Originally posted on Medium.

Have you noticed a change in my posts over the past year? OK, with everything going on, it not surprising that pretty much everyone’s posts have changed, so you may not have noticed.

A Tale of Two Career Streams

If you’re seeing posts from me both from Pawsitive Pet Care and from ADHD 2e MB and are wondering which am I doing? The answer is both. I’m doing both. Of course I am. Because I love both and right now I can do both.

If you’re interested in the background story, here it is. If you’re not… well, perhaps one of our other blogs will be of interest, depending on which page you follow:

twoemb.medium.com

PawsitivePooch.blogspot.com

Long story…. a little less long:

In 2006 I graduated (with Honours) from Humber College in Toronto, after completing a 3-year full-time intensive Child and Youth Work program and received my CYW diploma. I worked in a group home in Ontario for one year until we moved to Winnipeg in 2007, where I started my second degree, Psychology, with majors in both Child Psychology and Animal Learning (this will not surprise anyone who knows me).

While I was graduating in 2009 I had some health problems (all good now though!). Instead of heading into a full-time career in social services, I had to slow down and focus on taking care of my health at that time. I took a part-time job in a retail pet store because I love animals and because the store was close to home.

Retail Reality

I had forgotten what it was like to work in retail. For one thing, managers expect you to put your personal life on hold for a minimum-wage job. I love soccer and at that time was on a highly competitive soccer team that practiced three times per week, plus had one or two games on the weekends. When I had interviewed the manager said she was willing to work around my soccer schedule, yet when I asked them to do so they gave me a hard time about it.

The other difficulty I encountered was colleagues (even some managers) giving bad pet-care and health-related advice. ProTip: If you are working in a pet food and supplies store, you are not qualified to give dietary and health advice to pet owners. You can recommend products, share what you know about the different brands, and help customers find what they are looking for. You should not be practicing outside of your scope. Giving the wrong advice can be unsafe for pets, so please leave that to the professionals.

There’s got to be a better way!

With those challenges in mind, in May 2010 I started to offer dog-walking and pet-sitting services to families in my neighbourhood. It was small and simple at first, a free ad on Kijiji and a couple of flyers posted at the local park, but within three months it turned into a full-time gig. I loved it (and still do)! In 2012 I was ecstatic when I became pregnant with our son. As I neared closer to my due date I hired someone to cover for my maternity leave. Walking large dogs while very pregnant is challenging, to say the least! With that began the expansion of Pawsitive Pet Care into a bonafide company. We registered with the province, purchased insurance, and I officially became a sole proprietor.

When I returned to work in Fall 2013 things continued growing and it was very satisfying to see our hard work pay off. We hired more staff and our client base grew. In 2017 we moved out of Winnipeg to just West of the city, in the R.M. of Cartier on a beautiful rural property. For about three years our growth continued.

In 2019 my son had a terrible experience at his former school. Like me, he is intellectually gifted and also has ADHD. Being gifted plus having a disability is called “Twice Exceptional” or 2e, hence the “ADHD 2e” in the name.

Not only were his needs not being met, but he was being treated badly. It was heart-breaking, stressful, and just plain awful. So, I dusted off my old child psychology textbooks and became his biggest advocate. We moved him to a much better school where he is so much happier and is flourishing, thankfully.

Then 2020 came along.

And we all know how that story goes.

In March 2020 the cancellations started pouring in, and like so many small businesses in Manitoba (and around the world), we were seriously impacted by Covid-19. Our clients couldn’t go to work or on vacation, so there was little need for dog-walking and pet-sitting services.

What there was a huge need for, though, were child advocates. Families of students with disabilities and exceptionalities often have to advocate and fight for resources for their children, to have their needs met, and for fair and appropriate access to their education. Add to that the stress and chaos of a pandemic, and these disparities grew worse. It is very hard to follow a student’s education plan when doing remote learning. Families were limited in their ability to access certain supports their children normally received at school, such as Resource, Occupational Therapy, Speech Therapy, Guidance Counselling, and much more. This is all unprecedented. Teachers, school staff, families, and students are all trying to figure this out as we go.

Most school staff are working in highly stressful and potentially unsafe conditions (improper PPE, unable to socially distance, not being made a priority for vaccines, being expected to teach both in person and online, the list goes on).

This is where people with my experience and expertise come in. I spent the past several years advocating for my exceptional child, in particular during the very challenging years while he was at his former school. I learned the Manitoba education system inside and out, gained and strengthened my advocacy skills, and updated my academic knowledge and credentials.

Why Am I Telling You All This?

As I mentioned in the beginning: If you’re seeing me post from both Pawsitive Pet Care and ADHD 2e MB and you’re wondering which am I doing… The answer is both. I’m doing both. Of course I am. Because ADHD. Because I love both and right now I can do both. Because I love my son and he has inspired me and re-ignited my passion for advocacy work. I have a fantastic staff team at Pawsitive Pet Care who help me keep things running smoothly (thank you!). I am also lucky to have a husband and son who love me and support me in all my endeavours, no matter how ambitious (I love a challenge and never like to be bored… ADHD y’all, it can be a gift).

I promise I won’t spam my separate business pages with cross-posts, but I will on very rare occasions share posts that apply to both. I hope you’ll support me by liking and sharing ALL OF THE THINGS, and by referring anyone who you feel would benefit from our services (THANK YOU!).

We’ve been so lucky to have such wonderful and supportive friends, family, and clients these past 11 years (11! Pawsitive Pet Care turns 12 years old this summer!).

Thank you all for your support. Please stay safe and healthy. Stay home when you can, wash your hands, wear a mask, and get vaccinated as soon as you’re eligible. I cannot wait until things can start to return to some semblance of normal. I’ll settle for half-normal. Maybe even a quarter.

Stay well,

Jillian Enright, CYW, BA Psych., CPDT-KA
ADHD 2e MB and Pawsitive Pet Care

Misbehaviour is STRESS Behaviour

"Misbehaviour" = STRESS Behaviour

This is a two-part blog series focusing on preventing and supporting children whose behaviour can become quite challenging when they are dysregulated.  

Dysregulation = BIG feelings, feeling out of control, feeling highly emotional, experiencing an intense emotional response. 

Many neurodiverse people experience their emotions very intensely and can become dysregulated more easily than neurotypical people.  

Parents and adults, please remember: As difficult and challenging (and exhausting) it can be for us to support and co-regulate with a child who experiences extreme dysregulation, it is even more distressing for the child, who doesn't have the cognitive development to understand and regulate these experiences.  It can be scary to lose control of oneself.  

Be Proactive

These strategies can help all children, not just neurodiverse children: 

• Define expectations before heading to an activity 
• “Ok buddy, we’re heading into the store.  What are two things we need to remember when we’re in the store?’  
• Give children a “heads up” before transitions whenever possible
• “We need to leave for school in 10 minutes, so please make sure you have everything ready that you need.”  
• “Five minutes ’til dinner, guys!”  

Dysregulation Happens (to everyone).  

Dysregulation = BIG feelings.  All the feels.

• Dysregulation can happen for many reasons:
• Sensory overload
• Too hot, too cold, too loud, too bright, too everything 
• Stress
• Anxiety / Fear
• Frustration, sadness, hurt feelings
• Not feeling well 

When a Child is Upset / Dysregulated

Please DO:

• LISTEN to the child
• Let them speak without interrupting or correcting them
• Validate their feelings 
• “That must have been very upsetting”
• “I can see that made you feel angry”  
• “You didn’t like when that happened” 
• Show empathy and caring
• “I am sorry you’re feeling sad, how can I help?”
• Be as consistent as possible 
• REMAIN. CALM.

Please do NOT:

• Reject the child 
• Forcing them to isolate from the family as a form of punishment is rejection 
• Sending a child to their room or to a “time out” is rejection 
• It sends the message that they are not wanted when hey are experiencing big feelings, and that they will not be supported when they have big feelings 

That is not to say that we can’t or shouldn’t teach our children to take space when they need it.  

When they need it.  

The difference is that we’re teaching our child a skill and giving them tools for self-regulation, but in the mean time, we need to co-regulate with them. 

Co-regulation is when we help our children to regulate their emoitnos by soothing, comforting, and supporting them.  We also teach emotional regulation skills by practicing and role-modelling them for our children.

Supporting a child to take space and time to regulate, empathizing with their feelings, and staying with them if they want or need you to will help preserve the relationship, their dignity, and their self esteem.  

It’s important to emphasize the message, “I didn’t like that behaviour, but I still love you.” 

Please do NOT (cont):

• Dismiss their feelings or experience
• “It’s not a big deal” 
• “Don’t worry about it!” 
• “That’s not what happened” 
• Tell them to “calm down” 
• Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.
• Become dysregulated yourself

A dysregulated adult cannot co-regulate with, or help regulate, a dysregulated child.

Stay calm: Keep your body language and voice calm as much as possible.  If you are feeling frustrated, angry, or overwhelmed, ask for support from your co-parent, family member, or a friend if you can.  

Role-model taking space yourself, or utilizing tools for self-regulation.  It’s okay to say “I’m feeling frustrated right now, I’m going to do [calming strategy], and I will come back to this conversation when I am feeling calm and ready.”  

Please do NOT (cont):

• Make threats
• “If you don’t _______, then _______!” 
• This only serves to escalate things and further pushes the child into a fight or flight mode

Points to Remember:

• Dysregulation can be caused by many factors that are largely outside of the child’s control 
• Listen, empathize, validate, and co-regulate

“Misbehaviour” = STRESS Behaviour

If a child is highly dysregulated (what we might call having a “meltdown” or “flipping their lid”), that is not the time to: 

• Discuss their behaviour 
• This will further escalate them 
• Their brain is offline and not currently capable of processing that information 
• Problem solve 
• People cannot problem-solve when the logical and rational part of their brain (PFC) is offline 
• This will increase frustration 
• Use logic to try to talk them out of their feelings.  
• “…but you love swimming!”  
• “Cmon, you know he didn’t mean that” 
• "You're over-reacting" 
• "You're being silly/dramatic" 
• This is invalidating and the child will not feel heard 

Feelings are not rational, so don’t expect them to be. A child’s experience is valid and real, even if they seem to us to be over-reacting.  Their perception may be inaccurate, but their feelings are 100% real.  The facts and logic can be dealt with once everyone is calm and safe, worry about that later. 

Stress = Fight or Flight Response

When people experience high levels of stress, their brains and bodies go into the fight or flight response.  

The goal during this time is to help the child feel safe so that they can regulate (aka “calm down”) and get their PFC back online.  

Keep Calm and Regulate On

• Take a slow, deep breath before responding
• Speak calmly and softy, using as few words as possible
• When the brain is in flight or flight, they won’t hear most of what you are saying.  
• The brain will focus in on certain words that either confirm or deny their sense of safety. 
• Get down to the child’s level (if safe to do so - keep a safe distance if needed)
• Crouch down (so you can move away easily) or sit nearby so that you are not looming over them. 
• Convey the message “I’m going to help keep you safe”
• This can be done non-verbally, using your body language and actions 
• Model the calm you want to see in the child 

Points to Remember:

• Feelings are not rational.
• A child’s experience is valid even if they seem to us to be over-reacting.
• Their feelings are 100% real.  
• The facts and logic can be dealt with once everyone is calm.

When the Dust Finally Settles… 

• Try your best not to take the child’s behaviour personally 
• Even if they were trying to hit you or calling you names 
• You can absolutely express that their behaviour hurt your feelings or made you feel unsafe
• It's important to remember that the child’s brain is completely offline during a meltdown and they are not in full control of their behaviour

When considering prevention:

Think in terms of problem-solving and reconciliation, rather than punishment

• By punishment, I mean adult-imposed consequences intended to stop the behaviour from happening and teach the child that their behaviour was unacceptable.  

Part two of our blog series on preventing and supporting children whose behaviour can become quite challenging when they are dysregulated is coming next:  

Punishment is Counter-Productive

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

Challenging Behaviour in Neurodiverse Children 

(In this case challenging is an adverb, not a verb.  We're not challenging the kids, even though their behaviour is sometimes challenging.)   

This is the second of a two-part blog series focusing on preventing and supporting children whose behaviour can become quite challenging when they are dysregulated.  Click here to read the first post, entitled Misbehaviour is Stress Behaviour.

More accurately, this is the last in a four-part series that started out as a two-part series, but then blended in to this other two-part series… confused? Welcome to my ADHD brain.

All you really need to know is that there are four blog posts with themes around preventig and addressing challenging behaviours:

1. Punishment Does Not Work
2. Punishments Don’t Teach Skills
3. “Misbehaviour” is Stress Behaviour
4. Challenging Behaviours in Children

When considering prevention:

• Think in terms of problem-solving and reconciliation, rather than punishment
• By punishment, I mean adult-imposed consequences intended to stop the behaviour from happening and teach the child that their behaviour was unacceptable 

  

Why Punishment is Counter-Productive 

If the child has repeated this behaviour in the past, it's highly likely they’ve been told a thousand times that behaviour is inappropriate.  

Intellectually, they almost certainly already know that. ADHD causes impulsivity, so the child may have the knowledge, but not the ability to stop, think, and apply that knowledge before acting.  

Behaviours and triggers are often largely outside of the child’s control. When we punish behaviours that stem from the child's neurodiversity (which is most of them), we are essentially punishing a child for having a disability.  

If a child is frequently singled out because of their behaviour, other children look to the adults to role-model how to deal with it. This is particularly true with siblings, teammates, and classmates. If adults frequently punish, shame, or reject that child, the other children will follow their example.

Note:  I am not advocating a lack of accountability, far from it.  The point I do wish to make is that if punishment worked then behaviours would stop after the first few times the child was punished, so it would not be necessary to continue punishing the same behaviour.  

Our previous blog post, "Punishment Does Not Work" expands on this point.  

So, how do we achieve what we want? 

Reconciliation, restoring relationships, and collaborative problem-solving.

Before a child is able to accept responsibility for their actions, they need to feel that their experience has been heard and their feelings validated.

When we truly listen to the child, we are role-modelling how we want them to validate the experiences and feelings of the others their behaviour has impacted.  

Overcoming Defensiveness

We all can become defensive when we know we’ve made a mistake, and this is even more so when we feel attacked.  When we don’t have a chance to process and acknowledge our errors, we may feel backed into a corner and so our defences go up.  

To avoid defensiveness in the child: 

• Hear them out, show the child you are truly listening and that you care.
• Give them an opportunity to speak without interruption.
• Avoid blaming and shaming.
• Then you can focus on problem-solving together.


The goal is connection, not compliance

Collaborative Proactive Solutions by Dr. Ross Greene 

Collaborative Problem-Solving

The key premise of CPS is that kids do well when they can, and when they can’t, they need adults to help teach them skills they are lacking.

It’s not malicious or willful misbehaviour, it’s a lack of skills

Collaborative Problem-Solving in a nutshell: 

• Identify something you’ve noticed without blame or judgement.  
• “Hey buddy, I noticed you had a hard time when x wasn’t following the rules in that game.  What’s up?”  
• It's important to be authentic, be yourself.  Paraphrase this in whatever way feels comfortable for you, while ensuring you don't include judgements or assumptions when you state your concern.
• Give them a chance to explain their perception of what is happening.  
• Do not interrupt and do not correct their version of events.  
• Let them get it out.  
• *Empathize with the child’s experience and validate their feelings 
• **This is a very important step**
• “It’s very frustrating when someone isn’t playing fair.  Sounds like that made you pretty angry.  I sometimes feel frustrated when someone isn’t playing fair too.” 
• Identify your concern — without blame or judgement.  
• Explain your concern without labelling the child or their behaviour, and without making assumptions.  
• “My concern is that when you raise your voice at other children, it makes them feel unsafe, and everyone has less fun, including you.  I want everyone to feel safe and have fun.”   
• Then ask the child to identify any concerns they have.  
• “What concerns do you have about what happened?” 
• Ask them if they have any suggestions for ways you can work together to solve the problem.  
• “What do you think we can do to solve this problem together?”  
• This includes actions that can be taken both by the children and the adults.  
• “We can try to explain the rules with more detail next time, and make sure everyone understands before we start playing the game.”  
• “The adults can watch a little more closely and help the students/teammates/classmates who may not fully understand the rules.” 
• “What do you think you can do to help everyone feel safe and make sure we’re all having fun?”

They may shrug their shoulders and mumble "idunno", especially if this process is new to them. That's okay. You can ask them if you can make some suggestions, or if they would prefer to take a little time to think about it and come back to it.  Be specific about when you will come back to the conversation: "Would it help to take some time to think about it this afternoon, and we'll talk about it after dinner?"  

Some suggestions the adult can make (or the child might make) in the scenario above: 

• Ask adults for help if someone isn’t following the rules 
• Use a gentle voice, a kinder tone, to explain rules 
• Let the adults worry about the rules — it’s the adult’s job, not the kids’ job — remember, the kids’ job is to have fun! 
• We can try to be flexible and understand that not all the kids will understand the game right away, and not everyone will be able to follow the rules perfectly, but we’ll all do our best and focus on having fun. 
• Check in with your child at the end of the conversation 
• How are you feeling about our conversation?
• Do you think our plan is fair?  
• Do you think we can all try those ideas and see how they go?
• It’s okay if they don’t work perfectly, we can always make adjustments if we find things aren’t working for us.

 For more information about the Collaborative-Proactive Solutions model, please visit the Lives in the Balance website.  

ADHD 2e MB also has additional resources and CPS information on our website.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

Struggling in School?

Is Your Child Struggling in School?

Are you seeing your child struggling in school, yet the school doesn't feel it's "that bad"?  

I grow weary of hearing comments along the lines of "they're not struggling enough to qualify for resources." 

Based on whose measure of "struggling"?  

If a parent is expressing a concern, then the child is obviously struggling in some way, otherwise the parent wouldn't be bringing it up.  It's time that schools* started taking parent concerns seriously, rather than trying to sweep them under the rug, minimize them, avoid taking responsibility, or put up a fight in order to see if the parent is serious enough to push.  Not all parents know how to advocate for their child or know when it's within their rights to do so.  

*Note:  This is absolutely not all schools, nor all teachers, nor all administrators.  Many school staff go above and beyond for their students and all schools in Manitoba are underfunded, under resourced, understaffed, and over stressed.  Unfortunately schools have been put into the position where they have to triage in order to ensure their very limited resources are available for the students who need them most.  

Our focus here is on the teachers and administrators who don't take parent concerns seriously or think that a child is doing "fine" simply because there aren't obvious behaviours or indicators that are easy to spot.  Some children are very good at "masking" or hiding their struggles, some students do very well on standardized testing and are still seriously struggling.

Masking can be a result of a child developing strategies to "fit in" with their peers, not wanting to stand out, or being afraid or embarrassed to ask for help when they need it.  It can also be a result of having behaviours punished repeatedly or being shamed for problems related to their disability (such as a child with ADHD behaving impulsively and speaking out of turn in class) to the point where these behaviours are suppressed.  Suppressing behaviours is not the same as providing support for the underlying causes and masking can have a serious negative effect on people's mental health, self-esteem, and wellbeing.

When it comes to accessing resources and referrals at school, this usually means either the student's behaviour is disruptive, or their struggles are made obvious on standardized tests.  

Those are not the only two ways in which children struggle and it's long past time all schools recognize that and prioritize student mental health and social-emotional learning.

What Masking Can Look Like

• The school reports that a child is doing very well, yet that child has has a meltdown when they come home from school, or is very emotional before and/or after school. 
• Your child is struggling socially: expresses feeling lonely, describes being left out, and/or has frequent trouble with peers at school. 
• Your child does well on academic tasks, but this comes at great cost.  They may spend hours on homework in order to get it right, show traits of perfectionism, and have a great deal of stress and anxiety about their school work or about school in general. 

Please note: These are general examples, but of course masking will not be the only reason for children experiencing these struggles at school.  It is even more challenging when a child with ADHD is also academically very bright or gifted, as their intelligence may also overcompensate for their challenges related to their neurodiversity.  (There are actually quite a few aspects of giftedness that overlap with ADHD, such as emotional intensity, but I digress...). 

If readers get nothing else out of this blog post, I want the following two points to be made abundantly clear:

1. Academic success is not an acceptable reason or excuse to deny a child their right to accommodations and supports for their disability.  
2. Social-emotional health is much more important than academic performance and children do not learn well when they are highly stressed, anxious, fearful, or working so hard to mask that they cannot absorb what is being taught.  

I repeat: 

Academic success is not an excuse to deny a student accommodations and supports for their disability.

And, perhaps just as harmful, please do not tell a child with ADHD or a learning disability "you're so smart, you just need to work harder and apply yourself."  They would if they could.  They very likely can, but first they need (and have the right to receive) the appropriate help to do so.  All students deserve to be able to show the very best of themselves, not just “good enough” based on the classroom teacher’s opinion.  Meaning: if a child is doing well academically, but it’s causing them significant psychological, emotional, or social difficulty, then they still require accommodations so that they can be their best self without it taking a toll on their mental health.  

Beyond assessment, we want to instil in students a love of learning and foster a joy in curiosity.  If a student is very bright, but school is a daily slog which they dread every day, then their chances of meeting their potential and pursuing higher education decrease every year that goes by without proper support.  

Beyond academics, the core subjects are not the only thing children learn at school.  In fact, there have been many studies clearly demonstrating that students forget a significant portion of the academic cotent they are taught in school.  What they do learn and remember meaningfully are relationships: Relationships with peers, teachers, and other school staff.  Public safety data in Canada indicates that 47% of parents report their child has experienced bullying in school.  Children with ADHD are 13% more likely to experience bullying and social challenges, that’s up to 60% of children with ADHD who might experience bullying (Unnever & Cornell, 2003).  

Much more important than memorizing multiplication tables, all children in schools need to learn about neurodiversity, disabilities, and celebrating individual differences in general.  When whole classes and schools are taught facts about neurodiversity, those students are significantly less likely to bully other children for being different, and are much more likely to be kind and inclusive toward those children (Cook et al., 2020).  Knowledge and understanding goes a long way toward fostering acceptance -- acceptance from peers, and acceptance of ourselves and all the strengths and struggles that come with our neurodiverse brains.  

When students are given appropriate accommodations and supports they are less anxious, less stressed, and more able to engage with their peers because they feel more comfortable at school.  The CADDAC has some great suggestions for specific accommodations and supports for various ADHD symptoms that can impact children at school.  

In closing, I will reiterate the two most important points I wanted to make clear in this post:

1. Academic success is not an acceptable reason or excuse to deny a child their right to accommodations and supports for their disability.  
2. Social-emotional health is much more important than academic performance and children do not learn well when they are highly stressed, anxious, fearful, or working so hard to mask that they cannot absorb what is being taught.  

If you are concerned about your neurodiverse child and need help advocating for them, please do not hesitate to contact us.  

 

References 

Cook, A., Ogden, J., & Winstone, N. (2020). The effect of school exposure and personal contact on attitudes towards bullying and autism in schools: A cohort study with a control group. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 24(8), 2178–2189.

Unnever, J. D. & Cornell, D. G.. (2003). Bullying, Self Control and ADHD. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 18(2): 129-147.

 

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

Further Resources

ADHD 2e Pro has compiled an extensive list of Manitoba-local and online resources for ADHD.  

We also have a blog post with advice for advocating for your child.  

Resource Navigation

"OK Google:  Who do I call when my school isn't following my son's IEP?"

"OK Google:  I think my child might have ADHD, but I am not sure.  Where can I get her assessed?"  

OK Google... 

If you were surprised by how little information is readily available when you need specific supports for your family, then you're certainly not alone.  

Unfortunately our social services are so underfunded, under resourced, and overworked, that it's difficult enough for agencies to keep up with demand, let alone direct people to the right places.  

  

That's where we can help. 

ADHD 2e Pro can assist you in navigating our health, social services, and education systems as it relates to finding resources and supports for disabilities and neurodiversity.  

We can guide you through:

1. Seeking assessment and/or diagnosis 
2. Support and advocacy 
3. Student planning (SSPs, IEPs, BIPs, etc.)
4. Finding appropriate resources

  

We also have a wealth of both local and online resources listed on our website, as well as a page to help guide families with the process of self-advocacy.  

Our services are available on a sliding scale based on household income.  

Please contact us to inquire.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MINISTER OF EDUCATION, CLIFF CULLEN

An Open Letter to MLA Cliff Cullen, Minister of Education for Manitoba 

 

Cliff Cullen, Minister of Education

Room 168, Legislative Building

450 Broadway
Winnipeg, MB R3C 0V8

April 9, 2021

Dear Mr. Cullen,

Do not assume the parents who write open letters or express concerns about the proposed changes to our education system have not read the (sparse) information provided.  We *have* read the documents and we still have very serious concerns.  Stop insulting the intelligence of Manitobans.  With all due respect, Mr. Cullen, your open letter sets absolutely nothing straight.  In fact, it further highlights how out of touch our Conservative government is and how little you have listened to the experts trying to advise you on how best to support students in Manitoba’s public schools.

You claim the Conservative government has reduced child poverty by 25% since 2016.  That figure may sound nice when you offer it up without any context.  In fact, Manitoba's poverty rate has decreased the least of any province in all of Canada, and we are still 10% behind the national average.  Not to mention, poverty rates in Manitoba decreased largely due to the Federal Child Tax Benefit program, which coincidentally was introduced in July of 2016, and had nothing to do with the Conservative government.  Manitoba still has second highest rate of poverty in Canada at 28.3%.  

I’m also wondering how our government can expect single parents to volunteer for Parent Advisory Councils (PACs) while working multiple minimum and low-wage jobs just to scrape together enough to provide for their families?  In Manitoba, over 60% of single-parent households are below the poverty line, but they should somehow “sacrifice” in order to volunteer at their child's school?  Exactly which "sacrifice" does our Premier want these parents to make, I wonder?  Should they sacrifice buying groceries?  Paying rent?  Their utilities?  

In schools that have PACs, those councils are primarily made up of white, higher-income parents who have the resources, the time, and the privilege to volunteer at their children's schools.  This is in no way to devalue their hard work.  Unfortunately, Mr. Pallister’s comments made in question period on March 22 were based on faulty assumptions.  Due to systemic racism and ableism, most of the parents who work multiple jobs to make ends meet are Indigenous peoples, immigrants, people of colour, people with disabilities, and other minority groups that already experience systemic racism and oppression.  Most of the privileged families in Canada are white.  Because racism.  

So now, groups that are already struggling will have even less of a say in the way their children’s schools are run because the higher-income families will be taking up all the room at the table.     

How will high-income, white, stay-at-home parents understand the struggles faced by those in minority groups?  How will a parent whose children do not have any disabilities understand the needs of the families and students who do?  Parents whose children have disabilities are already busy trying to work to pay for therapies, taking their children to appointments, and meeting with teachers and school staff to advocate for their children.  Where are we supposed to find the time to volunteer?  And if we don’t, are we not making enough of a “sacrifice” for our children, as Mr. Pallister suggested?  

The only thing that we seem to agree on, Mr. Cullen, is that our current education system needs to change.  Yes, it needs a massive overhaul, but the Conservatives are clearly not equipped or qualified to do this and are not willing to listen to the experts who want to guide our policy-makers in the best interests of children.  

So, Mr. Pallister and Mr Cullen: Kindly step aside and let the experts do their jobs.  Perhaps there is room on your children’s parent councils for you to voice your ill-informed, uneducated opinions with the other privileged parents? 

Sincerely,

Concerned Manitoba Parents

and

ADHD 2e Pro

Source

Most of our statistical information came from The Social Planning Council of Winnipeg's Report Card on Poverty in Manitoba.  

We have included this open letter on our website and have also uploaded the Report of the Commission on K to 12 Education and the Poverty in Manitoba Report Card with the 2020 Update.  

Assessments and Planning

Assessments and Student-Specific-Plans 

Building upon our previous blog post, Manitoba's SSP Handbook Needs An Upgrade, we want to outline some practical ways that these documents can serve their true purpose: 

1. SSPs should inform school staff about a student's needs, strengths, accommodations, and the best ways to support them.  
2. SSPs should be strengths-based, written in a way that utilizes the student's strengths to help develop their areas of struggle, and that puts the onus on the school and the adults to provide appropriate supports and accommodations.  
3. SSPs should clearly outline these supports, accommodations, and best-practices in a way that is easy for school staff to understand and follow.  

The third point is where a lot of SSPs, assessments, and other planning documents fall short.  They may contain fantastic information and great recommendations, but if they are full of professional jargon or have unrealistic recommendations that the school doesn't have the resources to follow, then they won't be very useful to the student (or to anyone).  

Resources

As we mentioned in our previous blog post, it is the obligation of the school administration to advocate for their students and to push for the resources they need in order to provide appropriate support and accommodations.  That said, these processes take time, and the students are often left floundering in the mean time and it's the classroom teacher and students that are left to try to work together with only partial resources available to them.  That isn't fair to anyone.  

Staff Guidance

An important part of providing resources is ensuring that staff have adequate qualifications, skills, and training in order to meet the needs of the students.  What we've found is that quite often school staff have a meeting, review and update the SSP, then that SSP is filed away in a drawer to gather dust while everyone fumbles along doing the best they can without proper guidance.  School staff need in-the-moment guidance for “when this happens, here is what you do.” SSP and assessment reports may be too general for the staff to make use of them if they don’t know how to handle specific scenarios in the moment.  

Have We Mentioned... Resources?

Again, this comes down to the Manitoba Government providing adequate funding that is specifically earmarked for these types of supports and training.  

Schools need:

1. Proper funding so as to recruit, hire, train, and retain qualified, experienced, and skilled staff.  
2. Proper funding so as to have the time and finances to pay staff to attend additional relevant training.  
3. The mandate that administrators provide the time, coverage, and support for staff to attend relevant training opportunities.  
4. Most importantly, opportunities for clinical teams and experts to provide on-the-job guidance, mentorship, and training for school staff.  

We cannot stress this enough:  

One hour of on-the-job training is worth 8 hours of sitting at a workshop and retaining maybe 20% of what we hear.  

If administrators can spare the time and expense of just one hour per month (or more if they can!) of on-the-job training for their staff, they will reap the benefits in spades.  Staff will feel empowered when they are given the proper tools to do their jobs, rather than being thrown in unprepared and then held accountable (dare we say, blamed?) when things go wrong.  Most importantly, the students will reap the benefits of competent, confident support staff in their schools and classrooms.  It is often the students that shoulder most of the blame when things go wrong, leading to poorer academic outcomes and lower self-esteem.

Practical and Realistic Solutions

The next time you're sitting in a school meeting and everyone around the table feels satisfied that you've come up with wonderful accommodations and recommendations, before you put the proverbial rubber stamp on that SSP, ask one very important question: Practically speaking, what will this look like in the day-to-day life of the school staff and the student?  How exactly, and very specifically, will we be implementing these accommodations and recommendations?  Go through the student's day step-by-step if you have to, outlining exactly where the struggles come up, and what the adults can do moment-to-moment to help that student develop the skills they need to manage, work around, and overcome these difficulties.  

Practically speaking, what will this look like in the day-to-day life of the school staff and the student?  How exactly, and very specifically, will we be implementing these accommodations and recommendations?

For more information on writing effective SSPs, please see our previous blog post.  

At the end of the day, the student's needs must come first.  Each student has the right to accommodations that put them on a level playing field with their peers.  The goal of an SSP, or any planning for a student, must be to make the student's school life easier, and to support them to be successful.  The goal is not to make the adult's lives easier, but when we provide the right supports for the student and adequate training for staff, the two will come hand-in-hand.  

If you need assistance advocating for your child, or if you are seeking training for your staff, please do not hesitate to contact us.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDMB.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

If you need help educating your child's school, your family, or with general ADHD coaching or advocacy, please feel free to contact us.  

Dispelling Common ADHD Myths

Common Myths About ADHD 

Following up on our most popular blog post of 2020, 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood, we're going to expand by talking about prevalent ADHD myths.  The most common myths we hear about ADHD are:  

• "ADHD is a Learning Disability"
• "ADHD is a Behaviour Disorder"
• "ADHD is a modern disorder"
• "ADHD is caused by: bad parenting, too much screen time, diet, "chemicals", etc." 
• "Children with ADHD just need more discipline"

Have you heard these before?  We read them almost every day online and have experienced the harmful effects of these faulty beliefs from adults who should know better, such as teachers, principals, and other professionals.  

In this blog post, we'll take a look at each of these myths and explain why they are just that: Myths.  Untrue.  Inaccurate.  Perpetuating, believing, and acting upon these misguided concepts can cause harm to neurodiverse people, particularly children.   

 

ADHD is a NOT Learning Disability

ADHD is highly comorbid (co-occurring) with Learning Disabilities, but is not in and of itself a learning disability.  ADHD does not cause intellectual disabilities and, generally speaking, children with ADHD tend to have an above-average IQ.  

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions (we'll repeat this a few times because it's an important point for people to remember). 

 

ADHD is NOT a Behaviour Disorder

"ADHD is NOT a disorder of behaviour, but a developmental impairment of the management system of the brain — its executive functions.” (Brown, 2013)

Children with ADHD may behave impulsively (react before thinking things through), which may result in more undesirable or unexpected behaviours.  This, however, is a symptom of the Executive Functioning difficulties with ADHD, and not an act of willfulness or intentional misbehaviour on the part of the child.  

ADHD is NOT a modern disorder 

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions.  It has been around for as long as humans have had brains (so, like, forever); ADHD just didn't receive its current name until scientists got around to understanding more about it.  

ADHD is not new.  It was first described in the medical literature all the way back in 1775 (Barkley & Peters, 2012).  That was well over 200 years ago, so attempts to blame ADHD and its symptoms on too much screen time or too much sugar fat flat.  

ADHD is NOT caused by bad parenting

Yes, the way we support children and respond to their needs will certainly effect how much or little their disability impacts their life on a daily basis.  However, children are born with ADHD, it is not caused.  

Wait, I take that back.  

ADHD is primarily caused by genetics.  It is highly heritable (meaning it is easily passed down from biological parent to child).  It is estimated to have a heritability of 75%, which is considered very high.   

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions.  While some behaviours during pregnancy (such as smoking, for example) can increase the risk of neurodevelopmental problems in the developing baby, a child is born with the brain they are born with, and subsequent parenting choices or parenting styles do not cause ADHD to "develop".  

 

Children with ADHD do NOT simply "need more discipline"

Let's be honest here, when adults say a child "needs more discipline", what they usually mean is punishment (or retribution).  They want to "teach that kid a lesson".  It is estimated that children with ADHD receive an average of 20,000 more corrections or negative comments than their neurotypical peers before the age of 12 (Jellinek, 2010).  So if a child is repeatedly given negative messages about behaviours largely outside of their control due to their neurobiological development, then what lesson are we teaching them?  

Children with ADHD often have difficulty connecting actions with their consequences, especially with those consequences are delayed, due to difficulties with Executive Functioning.  The "needs more discipline" myth is such a prevalent and harmful one that we have actually written two different blogs on the perils of punishment. 

"Punishment" Does Not Work and Punishments Don't Teach Skills 

What excessive discipline or negative messaging can do is cause low self-esteem in children.  Unfortunately, being frequently berated and shamed for behaviours that are largely outside of their control is bound to have that effect.

  

Why Does It Matter?

It matters.  A LOT.  Like, a whole heck of a lot.  

When it is understood that a child is dealing with a brain-based disability, that their unexpected or undesired behaviours are not intentionally malicious, then we can move from blaming the child for being born with a differently wired brain to having compassion for their struggles.  When we acknowledge and accept that there is a lot about their difficulties that they cannot control, and that children with ADHD need support to manage the symptoms of their disability, then we can come beside them instead of at them.  They'll finally have an adult (or adults, plural, hopefully!) on their side, after potentially years of feeling like a "bad" kid, but not knowing how to do any better.

Instead of expecting the children to do better, first we the adults must do better.  Then the children will feel better, then they can learn the skills they need, and only then can they do better.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.  

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.