Struggling in School?

Is Your Child Struggling in School?

Are you seeing your child struggling in school, yet the school doesn't feel it's "that bad"?  

I grow weary of hearing comments along the lines of "they're not struggling enough to qualify for resources." 

Based on whose measure of "struggling"?  

If a parent is expressing a concern, then the child is obviously struggling in some way, otherwise the parent wouldn't be bringing it up.  It's time that schools* started taking parent concerns seriously, rather than trying to sweep them under the rug, minimize them, avoid taking responsibility, or put up a fight in order to see if the parent is serious enough to push.  Not all parents know how to advocate for their child or know when it's within their rights to do so.  

*Note:  This is absolutely not all schools, nor all teachers, nor all administrators.  Many school staff go above and beyond for their students and all schools in Manitoba are underfunded, under resourced, understaffed, and over stressed.  Unfortunately schools have been put into the position where they have to triage in order to ensure their very limited resources are available for the students who need them most.  

Our focus here is on the teachers and administrators who don't take parent concerns seriously or think that a child is doing "fine" simply because there aren't obvious behaviours or indicators that are easy to spot.  Some children are very good at "masking" or hiding their struggles, some students do very well on standardized testing and are still seriously struggling.

Masking can be a result of a child developing strategies to "fit in" with their peers, not wanting to stand out, or being afraid or embarrassed to ask for help when they need it.  It can also be a result of having behaviours punished repeatedly or being shamed for problems related to their disability (such as a child with ADHD behaving impulsively and speaking out of turn in class) to the point where these behaviours are suppressed.  Suppressing behaviours is not the same as providing support for the underlying causes and masking can have a serious negative effect on people's mental health, self-esteem, and wellbeing.

When it comes to accessing resources and referrals at school, this usually means either the student's behaviour is disruptive, or their struggles are made obvious on standardized tests.  

Those are not the only two ways in which children struggle and it's long past time all schools recognize that and prioritize student mental health and social-emotional learning.

What Masking Can Look Like

• The school reports that a child is doing very well, yet that child has has a meltdown when they come home from school, or is very emotional before and/or after school. 
• Your child is struggling socially: expresses feeling lonely, describes being left out, and/or has frequent trouble with peers at school. 
• Your child does well on academic tasks, but this comes at great cost.  They may spend hours on homework in order to get it right, show traits of perfectionism, and have a great deal of stress and anxiety about their school work or about school in general. 

Please note: These are general examples, but of course masking will not be the only reason for children experiencing these struggles at school.  It is even more challenging when a child with ADHD is also academically very bright or gifted, as their intelligence may also overcompensate for their challenges related to their neurodiversity.  (There are actually quite a few aspects of giftedness that overlap with ADHD, such as emotional intensity, but I digress...). 

If readers get nothing else out of this blog post, I want the following two points to be made abundantly clear:

1. Academic success is not an acceptable reason or excuse to deny a child their right to accommodations and supports for their disability.  
2. Social-emotional health is much more important than academic performance and children do not learn well when they are highly stressed, anxious, fearful, or working so hard to mask that they cannot absorb what is being taught.  

I repeat: 

Academic success is not an excuse to deny a student accommodations and supports for their disability.

And, perhaps just as harmful, please do not tell a child with ADHD or a learning disability "you're so smart, you just need to work harder and apply yourself."  They would if they could.  They very likely can, but first they need (and have the right to receive) the appropriate help to do so.  All students deserve to be able to show the very best of themselves, not just “good enough” based on the classroom teacher’s opinion.  Meaning: if a child is doing well academically, but it’s causing them significant psychological, emotional, or social difficulty, then they still require accommodations so that they can be their best self without it taking a toll on their mental health.  

Beyond assessment, we want to instil in students a love of learning and foster a joy in curiosity.  If a student is very bright, but school is a daily slog which they dread every day, then their chances of meeting their potential and pursuing higher education decrease every year that goes by without proper support.  

Beyond academics, the core subjects are not the only thing children learn at school.  In fact, there have been many studies clearly demonstrating that students forget a significant portion of the academic cotent they are taught in school.  What they do learn and remember meaningfully are relationships: Relationships with peers, teachers, and other school staff.  Public safety data in Canada indicates that 47% of parents report their child has experienced bullying in school.  Children with ADHD are 13% more likely to experience bullying and social challenges, that’s up to 60% of children with ADHD who might experience bullying (Unnever & Cornell, 2003).  

Much more important than memorizing multiplication tables, all children in schools need to learn about neurodiversity, disabilities, and celebrating individual differences in general.  When whole classes and schools are taught facts about neurodiversity, those students are significantly less likely to bully other children for being different, and are much more likely to be kind and inclusive toward those children (Cook et al., 2020).  Knowledge and understanding goes a long way toward fostering acceptance -- acceptance from peers, and acceptance of ourselves and all the strengths and struggles that come with our neurodiverse brains.  

When students are given appropriate accommodations and supports they are less anxious, less stressed, and more able to engage with their peers because they feel more comfortable at school.  The CADDAC has some great suggestions for specific accommodations and supports for various ADHD symptoms that can impact children at school.  

In closing, I will reiterate the two most important points I wanted to make clear in this post:

1. Academic success is not an acceptable reason or excuse to deny a child their right to accommodations and supports for their disability.  
2. Social-emotional health is much more important than academic performance and children do not learn well when they are highly stressed, anxious, fearful, or working so hard to mask that they cannot absorb what is being taught.  

If you are concerned about your neurodiverse child and need help advocating for them, please do not hesitate to contact us.  

 

References 

Cook, A., Ogden, J., & Winstone, N. (2020). The effect of school exposure and personal contact on attitudes towards bullying and autism in schools: A cohort study with a control group. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 24(8), 2178–2189.

Unnever, J. D. & Cornell, D. G.. (2003). Bullying, Self Control and ADHD. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 18(2): 129-147.

 

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

Further Resources

ADHD 2e Pro has compiled an extensive list of Manitoba-local and online resources for ADHD.  

We also have a blog post with advice for advocating for your child.  

Assessments and Planning

Assessments and Student-Specific-Plans 

Building upon our previous blog post, Manitoba's SSP Handbook Needs An Upgrade, we want to outline some practical ways that these documents can serve their true purpose: 

1. SSPs should inform school staff about a student's needs, strengths, accommodations, and the best ways to support them.  
2. SSPs should be strengths-based, written in a way that utilizes the student's strengths to help develop their areas of struggle, and that puts the onus on the school and the adults to provide appropriate supports and accommodations.  
3. SSPs should clearly outline these supports, accommodations, and best-practices in a way that is easy for school staff to understand and follow.  

The third point is where a lot of SSPs, assessments, and other planning documents fall short.  They may contain fantastic information and great recommendations, but if they are full of professional jargon or have unrealistic recommendations that the school doesn't have the resources to follow, then they won't be very useful to the student (or to anyone).  

Resources

As we mentioned in our previous blog post, it is the obligation of the school administration to advocate for their students and to push for the resources they need in order to provide appropriate support and accommodations.  That said, these processes take time, and the students are often left floundering in the mean time and it's the classroom teacher and students that are left to try to work together with only partial resources available to them.  That isn't fair to anyone.  

Staff Guidance

An important part of providing resources is ensuring that staff have adequate qualifications, skills, and training in order to meet the needs of the students.  What we've found is that quite often school staff have a meeting, review and update the SSP, then that SSP is filed away in a drawer to gather dust while everyone fumbles along doing the best they can without proper guidance.  School staff need in-the-moment guidance for “when this happens, here is what you do.” SSP and assessment reports may be too general for the staff to make use of them if they don’t know how to handle specific scenarios in the moment.  

Have We Mentioned... Resources?

Again, this comes down to the Manitoba Government providing adequate funding that is specifically earmarked for these types of supports and training.  

Schools need:

1. Proper funding so as to recruit, hire, train, and retain qualified, experienced, and skilled staff.  
2. Proper funding so as to have the time and finances to pay staff to attend additional relevant training.  
3. The mandate that administrators provide the time, coverage, and support for staff to attend relevant training opportunities.  
4. Most importantly, opportunities for clinical teams and experts to provide on-the-job guidance, mentorship, and training for school staff.  

We cannot stress this enough:  

One hour of on-the-job training is worth 8 hours of sitting at a workshop and retaining maybe 20% of what we hear.  

If administrators can spare the time and expense of just one hour per month (or more if they can!) of on-the-job training for their staff, they will reap the benefits in spades.  Staff will feel empowered when they are given the proper tools to do their jobs, rather than being thrown in unprepared and then held accountable (dare we say, blamed?) when things go wrong.  Most importantly, the students will reap the benefits of competent, confident support staff in their schools and classrooms.  It is often the students that shoulder most of the blame when things go wrong, leading to poorer academic outcomes and lower self-esteem.

Practical and Realistic Solutions

The next time you're sitting in a school meeting and everyone around the table feels satisfied that you've come up with wonderful accommodations and recommendations, before you put the proverbial rubber stamp on that SSP, ask one very important question: Practically speaking, what will this look like in the day-to-day life of the school staff and the student?  How exactly, and very specifically, will we be implementing these accommodations and recommendations?  Go through the student's day step-by-step if you have to, outlining exactly where the struggles come up, and what the adults can do moment-to-moment to help that student develop the skills they need to manage, work around, and overcome these difficulties.  

Practically speaking, what will this look like in the day-to-day life of the school staff and the student?  How exactly, and very specifically, will we be implementing these accommodations and recommendations?

For more information on writing effective SSPs, please see our previous blog post.  

At the end of the day, the student's needs must come first.  Each student has the right to accommodations that put them on a level playing field with their peers.  The goal of an SSP, or any planning for a student, must be to make the student's school life easier, and to support them to be successful.  The goal is not to make the adult's lives easier, but when we provide the right supports for the student and adequate training for staff, the two will come hand-in-hand.  

If you need assistance advocating for your child, or if you are seeking training for your staff, please do not hesitate to contact us.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDMB.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

If you need help educating your child's school, your family, or with general ADHD coaching or advocacy, please feel free to contact us.  

Dispelling Common ADHD Myths

Common Myths About ADHD 

Following up on our most popular blog post of 2020, 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood, we're going to expand by talking about prevalent ADHD myths.  The most common myths we hear about ADHD are:  

• "ADHD is a Learning Disability"
• "ADHD is a Behaviour Disorder"
• "ADHD is a modern disorder"
• "ADHD is caused by: bad parenting, too much screen time, diet, "chemicals", etc." 
• "Children with ADHD just need more discipline"

Have you heard these before?  We read them almost every day online and have experienced the harmful effects of these faulty beliefs from adults who should know better, such as teachers, principals, and other professionals.  

In this blog post, we'll take a look at each of these myths and explain why they are just that: Myths.  Untrue.  Inaccurate.  Perpetuating, believing, and acting upon these misguided concepts can cause harm to neurodiverse people, particularly children.   

 

ADHD is a NOT Learning Disability

ADHD is highly comorbid (co-occurring) with Learning Disabilities, but is not in and of itself a learning disability.  ADHD does not cause intellectual disabilities and, generally speaking, children with ADHD tend to have an above-average IQ.  

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions (we'll repeat this a few times because it's an important point for people to remember). 

 

ADHD is NOT a Behaviour Disorder

"ADHD is NOT a disorder of behaviour, but a developmental impairment of the management system of the brain — its executive functions.” (Brown, 2013)

Children with ADHD may behave impulsively (react before thinking things through), which may result in more undesirable or unexpected behaviours.  This, however, is a symptom of the Executive Functioning difficulties with ADHD, and not an act of willfulness or intentional misbehaviour on the part of the child.  

ADHD is NOT a modern disorder 

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions.  It has been around for as long as humans have had brains (so, like, forever); ADHD just didn't receive its current name until scientists got around to understanding more about it.  

ADHD is not new.  It was first described in the medical literature all the way back in 1775 (Barkley & Peters, 2012).  That was well over 200 years ago, so attempts to blame ADHD and its symptoms on too much screen time or too much sugar fat flat.  

ADHD is NOT caused by bad parenting

Yes, the way we support children and respond to their needs will certainly effect how much or little their disability impacts their life on a daily basis.  However, children are born with ADHD, it is not caused.  

Wait, I take that back.  

ADHD is primarily caused by genetics.  It is highly heritable (meaning it is easily passed down from biological parent to child).  It is estimated to have a heritability of 75%, which is considered very high.   

ADHD is a neurobiological or neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning it impacts the way the brain grows, develops, and functions.  While some behaviours during pregnancy (such as smoking, for example) can increase the risk of neurodevelopmental problems in the developing baby, a child is born with the brain they are born with, and subsequent parenting choices or parenting styles do not cause ADHD to "develop".  

 

Children with ADHD do NOT simply "need more discipline"

Let's be honest here, when adults say a child "needs more discipline", what they usually mean is punishment (or retribution).  They want to "teach that kid a lesson".  It is estimated that children with ADHD receive an average of 20,000 more corrections or negative comments than their neurotypical peers before the age of 12 (Jellinek, 2010).  So if a child is repeatedly given negative messages about behaviours largely outside of their control due to their neurobiological development, then what lesson are we teaching them?  

Children with ADHD often have difficulty connecting actions with their consequences, especially with those consequences are delayed, due to difficulties with Executive Functioning.  The "needs more discipline" myth is such a prevalent and harmful one that we have actually written two different blogs on the perils of punishment. 

"Punishment" Does Not Work and Punishments Don't Teach Skills 

What excessive discipline or negative messaging can do is cause low self-esteem in children.  Unfortunately, being frequently berated and shamed for behaviours that are largely outside of their control is bound to have that effect.

  

Why Does It Matter?

It matters.  A LOT.  Like, a whole heck of a lot.  

When it is understood that a child is dealing with a brain-based disability, that their unexpected or undesired behaviours are not intentionally malicious, then we can move from blaming the child for being born with a differently wired brain to having compassion for their struggles.  When we acknowledge and accept that there is a lot about their difficulties that they cannot control, and that children with ADHD need support to manage the symptoms of their disability, then we can come beside them instead of at them.  They'll finally have an adult (or adults, plural, hopefully!) on their side, after potentially years of feeling like a "bad" kid, but not knowing how to do any better.

Instead of expecting the children to do better, first we the adults must do better.  Then the children will feel better, then they can learn the skills they need, and only then can they do better.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.  

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

ADHD, Actually

ADHD is about so much more than difficulty sitting still or paying attention.  

So.  Much.  More. 

In light of this being Neurodiversity Celebration Week, we wanted to share some important facts about ADHD.  Unfortunately, despite decades of information being available to anyone and everyone (including doctors, teachers, and the general public), there is still a lot of misinformation out there.  It's ironic (okay, a bit sad and frustrating too) that one of the most common childhood disorders is one of the least well understood. 

The CDC (U.S.) indicates that 9.4% of children aged 2-17 years are diagnosed with ADHD.  Statistics Canada states that 5% of school-aged children (presumably aged 5-17) are diagnosed with ADHD.  The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (CADDAC) states that ADHD is the most prevalent childhood psychiatric disorder in Canada and remains under-recognized and under-diagnosed, despite being the most treatable psychiatric disorder in Canada.

So, what is ADHD, if not a case of "the wiggles"?  If it's not simply a matter of needing to focus more or get more organized, then what exactly is it?  

 

ADHD is Life-Altering

We will only touch upon a couple of the most life-impacting symptoms of ADHD in this blog, but of course, each person's experience with ADHD will be different and there are many other symptoms that affect people's everyday lives.  

Executive Functioning Issues 

Executive functions are a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.  Executive Functioning is an incredibly board topic, so we will simply share a few resources here.  

Executive Functioning description from the Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada.  

Executive Functioning explained by Jessica McCabe of the How to ADHD YouTube Channel:

Executive Functioning breakdown by CHADD, based on work by Dr. Thomas Brown and Dr. Russell Barkley.  Dr. Barkley's videos on ADHD are available on YouTube: 

Two major factors impacting the life of children (and adults) with ADHD both stem from Executive Functioning difficulties:

 

Impulsivity

As defined in our previous blog post, 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood, Impulse Control is the ability to pause between the action and reaction.  "Response inhibition refers to the ability to withhold a cognitive or behavioural impulse that may be inaccurate or maladaptive." (Barkley, 2015). 

When people seem to act without thinking, it is not because they're careless or thoughtless.  Certain parts of the ADHD brain develop approximately 30% slower (on average) than a typical brain.  This includes the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC), an area of the brain responsible for impulse control and complex decision-making.   

Click for more information on ADHD & Brain Structure

Difficulties with Emotional Regulation 

Emotional regulation can be very difficult for some people with ADHD, and can have a significant impact on their lives, including their friendships and other relationships.  A child who becomes angry easily and lashes out aggressively is not a "bad" kid, they're not even an aggressive kid, they're a child experiencing emotional dysregulation whose behaviour is being expressed in an aggressive manner in that moment.  

The distinction is important: children are not their behaviour, and when that behaviour stems from a disability or neurodifference, they are not necessarily in control of said behaviour.  A person with ADHD cannot help if they have an underdeveloped amygdala, the part of the brain largely responsible for emotional regulation.

Dr. Barkley spoke about ADHD and emotional conflict:

Add Them All Together...  

Impulsivity and emotional regulation are very much interconnected: Combine the experience of intense emotions (due to an underdeveloped amygdala), plus difficulty pausing to evaluate prior to acting (due to an underdeveloped PFC), plus difficulty using memories of previous events to consider the possible consequences of said actions (also due to that underdeveloped PFC causing difficulty with hindsight and working memory)...  those are a lot of brain-based challenges to work against in order to exert "self-control"!  

Dr. Barkley again with a more in-depth explanation: 

Some additional points that we will touch on in future blog posts, but that people must understand about ADHD: 

• ADHD is not a new disorder!  ADHD is not the result of bad parenting, too much screen time, too much sugar or processed foods (or any other diet), "chemicals", or whatever else people try to blame.  ADHD is a neurobiological disorder that was first described in medical literature all the way back in 1775 (Barkley & Peters, 2012).

• ADHD is not a mood disorder, a learning disability, a mental illness, nor a behavioural disorder.  ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, a condition that is due to differences in in the development and function of the brain.  

References

Barkley, Russell A. (2015). Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis & Treatment. The Guilford Press.  

Barkley RA, Peters H. (2012). The earliest reference to ADHD in the medical literature. Journal of Attention Disorders. 16(8), 623-630.

Brown, Thomas, E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments. Routledge.

Kofler, M. J., Rapport, M.D., Bolden, J., Server, D.E., Raiker, J.S., & Alderson, R.M. (2011). Working memory deficits and social problems in children with ADHD. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 39, 805-817. 

 

Further Resources:

ADHD 2e Pro : We have compiled extensive lists of both local and online ADHD & 2e Resources on our website.

ADHD 2e Blog : 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood

Celebrate Neurodiversity!  Neurodiversity-Celebration-Week.com 

Understood.org : ADHD and Emotions

The Centre for Addiction and Metal Health (CAMH): Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) : ADHD & Brain Structures

Woodburn Pediatric Clinic : ADHD Brain Differences 

Understood.org : Attention and Working Memory 

Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (CADDAC) : Executive Functioning and ADHD 

CHADD : Executive Function Skills 

Understood.org : ADHD and the Brain

Boston Children's Hospital: Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

CHADD: About ADHD 

Centre for Disease Control (CDC) : What is ADHD?  

About the Author

 

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

The School Keeps Calling

"The School Keeps Calling!"

It got to the point where my heart would race every time the phone rang during the school day, and I dreaded picking it up when I saw the school's Caller ID on my phone.  I was getting phone calls or emails from the school 2-3 times per week.  Someone from the school (usually the teacher or principal) would regularly call or email to communicate (ie. complain about) our son's behaviour.  

At first, I was extremely apologetic: "I'm so sorry.  Of course I'll speak to him.  I don't know why that happened.  I will make sure he knows that behaviour is unacceptable" and so on.  I have a CYW diploma and a degree in psychology, I should have answers, I should be able to "solve" these problems.  

Then I started reading and learning (and reading and learning and reading and learning some more).  As I mentioned in a previous blog post, my diploma from 2006 and degree from 2009 just weren't cutting it as far as ADHD knowledge was concerned.  So I sought to become an expert on ADHD, and more importantly, on my son.  

Then I realized something. 

Most of the behaviours the school was calling me about were not entirely his fault, nor were they mine.  I am not saying my son doesn't have responsibility and accountability for his choices, he absolutely does.  However, when the school staff repeatedly call with the same or similar complaints, yet have done little to support him to succeed within the school environment...  well, if they keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, then who is really responsible here?  

As Dr. Ross Greene would say, kids do well when they can.  (I discuss the issue of ineffective "punishment" in another blog post).  Essentially if a child is lacking skills and adults are not liking the resulting behaviour, but the adults are not actively teaching those missing skills, then how can we blame the child for not having them?  

As parents, we were truly doing everything we possibly could from home to support our son.  We sought the advice of outside experts: we went to a child psychologist and occupational therapist.  I read ALL OF THE BOOKS, listened to podcasts, followed the advice from the school's clinical team, and was trying to teach our son the skills he needed to succeed.  However, it was the stress and rigidity of the school environment that were contributing to and really triggering a lot of his behaviours, and we had no control over that.  Schools are very often loud, busy, and can be very overwhelming, especially for children with sensory hypersensitivities.  Children with ADHD often have co-morbid sensory processing disorders, or experience sensory overload.  When an ADHD brain is less able to filter out the external noise, or has trouble deciding which input to attend do (so it attends to it all!), this can be incredibly overwhelming.  

Schools often have unrealistic expectations for children's developmental abilities, especially when it comes to children with ADHD or other neurological disabilities.  Sitting in a desk for 5 hours per day at ages 5-8 is neither healthy nor realistic for most children, let alone those with hyperactivity.  When children are not given the ability to move their bodies, take movement breaks, and self-regulate with physical play, then it sets them up for failure.  We expect them to sit down, learn, attend, be quiet, and listen while their bodies and brains are begging for physical outlets and activities.  

Schools can often have very rigid rules that are "equally" (but not actually because adults are human too) applied to all students in the effort to be "fair" to all.  However, if all children develop differently and are at different stages of development and have different skills and abilities...  how is it fair to have the exact same expectations across the board?  I get that it's impossible to have a separate set of rules for each individual student, and even those would have to change day-to-day based on the child's functioning and development.  That is also completely unrealistic.  However, many schools are currently teaching students about flexible thinking and growth mindset.  How can the adults expect the children to practice flexible thinking if the adults are not role-modelling those skills?  

Short answer: they shouldn't.  

Examples of posters that may be on some classroom walls: 

The flexible thinking curriculum is fantastic, actually, don't get me wrong.  For it to be effective, however, it requires the adults to role-model and set the example first and foremost.

You Don't Have All The Answers.  

You don't have all the answers, and guess what?  You're not supposed to.  Nobody does.  The whole "it takes a village" thing is true, and right now your child's school is part of your village.  The adults who interact with and support your child at school need to communicate with you what they observe, what they are trying that is working or not working, what they think your child needs to be successful, and what they are doing to make that happen.

"Your child's school is part of your village."

If you are repeatedly receiving communications from your school about the same or similar recurring issues and you don't feel they are doing enough on their end to help your child, here are some options:  

• First, document the phone calls and emails.  You can make yourself a chart with the date, time, and subject or concern expressed to you to keep track of exactly how often you're being contacted and how often the same concerns are being brought to your attention. 
• If you notice a pattern, now you can bring that to the school's attention.  You can ask for a meeting with the classroom teacher and administrator (or school psychologist, or guidance counsellor, or social worker, or someone who has regular contact with your child at school and may have helpful insights to offer). 
• At the meeting, or in your communications with the school, ask for information about what is happening before the behaviour (the antecedents, triggers, environment, context, etc.).  If they do not know, then they cannot effectively support a child if they do not dig down to look beneath the behaviour for the underlying causes and contributing factors.  That is their next step.  

All Behaviour Is (Still) Communication

If a child's behaviour is maladaptive, disruptive, harmful, or otherwise unexpected, then that behaviour is telling us something.  Something is not working for that child and if the adults want the behaviour to change, then they need to change the environment and provide the supports the child needs to succeed.

• If your school needs help identifying your child's patterns or triggers, you can ask them to fill in an ABC chart any time they contact you about your child's behaviour (or any time they notice the same or similar difficulties coming up).  
• That said, there are certainly some significant limitations to any behavioural tracking.  The biggest problem is that they oversimplify by boiling the antecedent down to one trigger when human behaviour and emotions are so much more complex than that. 
• The missing piece is communicating with the child once everyone is calm to learn more about their experience.  We need to find out more about their day, week, even month, to see what is building up for them, contributing to their struggles, and/or creating vulnerabilities.    
• The documentation is really just to get the school starting to look a little deeper than the surface behaviour.  It can improve communication between family and school, and if not, it at least creates a paper trail for all the times they contact home without having taken steps to support the student. 
• If the school is on board and ready to take their support to the next level, we very highly recommend the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model.  Your child's school administration should have heard of CPS, but in case they haven't, information for schools is available on the Lives in the Balance website.  This is a much deeper, and more child-centred, approach to problem solving and developing relevant and effective supports that will actually help the student.  

Extremely important:  Any home-school communication should be for adult information-gathering purposes only.  The intent is to spot patterns, identify triggers, and identify and develop the supports that would be most needed for that child.  Home-school communication should never be used for school staff to "tattle" to parents about the child's behaviour, it should never be used as part of a behaviour "modification" program, and most importantly, it should never be used with the expectation that the parent then punishes the child at home for something that happened at school.  Visit our website for more information on effective behaviour "tracking".  

Now that is out of the way, here is a sample ABC Chart (click to enlarge):

Once the relevant information has been gathered, then patterns can be identified, and relevant supports can be put into place.  If the behaviour difficulties are such that the school is calling home once a week or more, it would be wise to have a Behaviour "Intervention" Plan put into place.  

That said, the BIP example outlined on the Government of Manitoba's website is ...not great.  It focuses too much on the student's behaviour and not enough on the underlying contributing factors.  It does outline skill development and touches a little bit on relationship-building, so that's a start.  

We don't have a sample BIP posted yet (sounds like another blog post in the making!), but we do have a blog post about Individualized Education Plans (IEPs), now called Student-Specific Plans (SSPs) with examples of effective student-planning that are also highly relevant and applicable to a BIP.  

In fact, if your child has ADHD, and that ADHD impacts their functioning in school (spoiler alert: it does), then your child is entitled to an SSP - but, like, a good one.  An effective SSP should focus on what accommodations the student needs in order to do their best, what supports they may need to be on a level playing field with their peers, and should include S.M.A.R.T. goals that are intended to allow the student to thrive.  An SSP (or BIP, or IEP, or any-p) should not include goals that simply make things easier for school staff and should not focus on the child changing or stopping behaviour without very specific steps identifying the lagging skills and how the adults in the student's life will support them to build those skills.

You Are SO Not Alone 

If your heart starts racing any time your phone rings, or if you dread emails from your child's teacher or principal, remember: this is not all on you.  Your child is at school for more than 30 hours per week.  Parents have very little, if any, control over what happens during their child's school day.  Yes, you are an extremely important part of your child's support team, and you know your child best.  Yes, you can do things at home and with outside professionals to support your child.  Yes, you can work collaboratively with your child's school team to set everyone up for success.  

Your child's school is part of your proverbial village.  If they have difficulty with your child's behaviour during their school day, then it's up to them to look beneath the surface behaviours.  Only then can they expect you to work with them, and they with your child, to develop supports and solutions.  Only then will your child truly get the support they need and deserve.

Please visit our website for a list of ADHD Resources available in Manitoba.  If you need assistance advocating for your child, contact us and we can recommend and provide resources or arrange services.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

If you need help educating your child's school, your family, or with general ADHD coaching or advocacy, please feel free to contact us.  

And Then There Were 2(e)

...And Then There Were Two Along for the Journey

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD in March of 2019, then assessed as being cognitively gifted in June of 2019. A diagnosis of gifted+ (gifted, plus another diagnosis) is commonly referred to as "twice exceptional", or 2e (more links about what it means to be 2e at the bottom of this post). 

After our son was diagnosed, I took it upon myself to learn everything I possibly could about ADHD that I hadn't learned in school. I quickly realized that my 10-year-old psych degree and 13-year-old CYW diploma were not nearly enough to make me an expert on the topic, so I made it my mission.

I am working on another blog post with a list of book recommendations based on the books I have read thus far. 

It didn't take me long to notice a lot of similarity between my son's symptoms and struggles and my own, which is not entirely surprising, as ADHD is highly genetic and very commonly found in multiple family members. (Recently we shared blog post from ADHD Rollercoaster on our Facebook page about another mom's similar experience). 

I spoke to my family doctor and received a referral to a psychiatrist who specializes in Adult ADHD. In October 2019 I received my own official diagnosis. When I told my son he said "I already knew you had ADHD, Mom"! We had spent the previous seven months learning everything we could together and he was becoming increasingly knowledgeable and self-aware. My observant little dude had already noticed the many similarities between us.

Now that I, too, am more self-aware I can't believe I didn't realize this earlier. For example, this not-very-long blog post took more than three hours pieced together throughout the day to complete. Not because I couldn't think of what to write, but because once I started writing I suddenly realized I had to to all of the things. I mentioned my book list, so I had to go and update it. Then I needed (wanted) a cup of coffee, which reminded me that I had only halfway finished the dishes in the sink, so I (mostly) finished those. Then I remembered I had meant to take the recycling out and put in some laundry, so I did that too, and so on. 

It isn't a matter of procrastination, this blog is a labour of love, and I have no reason to do it other than because I want to. My extreme multi-tasking happens because one action or thought reminds me of another, and before I know it I have seven half-finished tasks on the go. Luckily I eventually (usually) finish them all and this process seems to (mostly) work for me, but that's after many years of developing strategies and essentially becoming used to how my brain works. There was definitely a time in my life when those seven tasks would all remain half-finished and I would just keep starting new ones as the mood struck. I'm also still very forgetful, often misplace things, and rely heavily on technology to keep organized. 

The thing is, this has also been my superpower, and has probably helped me be a successful entrepreneur for the past 10+ years. I started my own business from the ground up in 2010 and turned it into a profitable full-time job for myself, as well as creating part-time jobs for a handful of employees. I have succeeded in part because of outside-the-box thinking, very common amongst 2e/ADHD folks, which helps me solve problems in ways that others may not think of. I am a master of hyperfocus, which can be both a help and a hazard for people with ADHD. I can set my sights on a work-related task and not come up for air until it is done. My son is like this as well, when he's reading a book I could tell him his hair was on fire and he would mumble "okay" and continue reading. He's not ignoring me on purpose (most of the time anyway), hyperfocus is a coping mechanism that some people with ADHD develop as a way of preventing themselves from being so easily distracted. 

Like my son, I was identified as gifted during my school years, but for me it was much later because our small town did not have any gifted programming in elementary schools. In high school I was enrolled in what was then called an "enriched" program for academically inclined students. So, why didn't I struggle in school like many who have ADHD? Well, I did, but not in the way that made anyone suspect anything other than a precocious and energetic child.

Sure, I had trouble sitting still in kindergarten, but what 5 year old doesn't? I was often sent to sit away from the group during story time because I couldn't sit and listen without fidgeting, but when I was school-aged that was just seen as misbehaviour and punished and that was the end of it. (In hindsight, this was probably the worst thing for me because fidgeting helped me truly hear and comprehend the story, whereas being sent back to my desk probably resulted in me doing something entirely different and not listening to the story at all). 

One of the challenges for twice exceptional students is that their giftedness can often mask the symptoms and struggles caused by other diagnoses, and doing well in school often means no one takes notice of other difficulties because the students seem to be just "fine". They may be doing well academically, but they may have to work twice as hard to do so, and there are more important considerations when measuring a person's success.

Twice exceptional students may have executive functioning challenges and frequently pull all-nighters in order to get their assignments in on time (which, of course, I did). Having to pull all-nighters does not a diagnosis make, but pervasive executive functioning difficulties, such as difficulty with organization and time management, can lead to a student feeling overwhelmed. Frequent all-nighters can lead to a sleep-deprived student unable to absorb information in class because of exhaustion, as well as other quality of life issues due to fatigue and stress. 

This also presents challenges at home, work, and in all of our relationships, including our own self-perceptions.  I admit to, on a daily basis, having unrealistic expectations of both myself and my son.  My 7 year old son presents as so asynchronous that in one day he can read an entire 600-page novel meant for 10-12 year olds and yet can't seem to go upstairs and brush his teeth and get ready for bed in an orderly fashion.  He can seem so mature that I expect so much of him, but then I am forced to remember that intellectual maturity is a completely separate entity from emotional maturity and executive functioning.  

Despite many experts providing a wealth of information on ADHD, we are still in the early stages of public awareness and education, and even earlier with regards to twice exceptionality. I completed a 3-year Diploma in Youth Work as well as a BA in Psychology, and worked in the social services field for 10 years, and still had never heard the term 2e until my son was diagnosed.

If you suspect you or your child might have ADHD, speak to your doctor or mental health professional about your questions or concerns.  There is a lot of great information posted on the Centre for ADHD Awareness Canada's website and I will post additional links below.  

If you or someone in your life is struggling to get the supports they need, please visit ADHDPro.ca to see if we can help.  If we can't, we're always happy to provide referrals to additional resources.  

Further reading...

Learn more about ADHD:

CADDAC - The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada

Understood.org - Understood is an American website, so some references to educational rights and laws will not be applicable, but it is a fantastic resource for information on ADHD and neurodiversity in general.

Learn more about Twice Exceptionality:

7 Myths About Twice Exceptional (2e) Students

Twice Exceptional Students

Twice Exceptional Kids: Both Gifted and Challenged

With Understanding Comes Calm

TECA - Twice Exceptional Children's Advocacy

Learn more about Gifted Children:

National Association for Gifted Children

Social Emotional Needs of the Gifted

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.