Punishments Don't Teach Skills

Punishments Don't Teach Skills 

Okay, maybe one: They may teach people how to be better at avoiding punishment.

They may teach people how to fear punishment (or worse, the punisher).

An adult losing their cool and punishing a child may teach that child to do the same when things don't go their way.  

Punishments do not teach skills.  As we explained in another blog post, punishment usually doesn't do what we want it to do, which is change someone's behaviour.  

As experts like Dr. Ross Greene, Alfie Kohn, and many others have been trying to teach us for decades: misbehaviour comes from missing skills.  "Misbehaviour" does not need to be punished.  Children need to be taught, guided, supported, and shown what to do instead.  

First, what is misbehaviour?  

If a child is doing something you don't like, or behaviour another adult doesn't like, first ask why?  

• Is the adult frustrated because they aren't getting their way?  
• Is the adult annoyed because the child is not immediately complying with their demand(s)  
• Are you, or your co-parent, embarrassed by the behaviour?  
• Does the behaviour actually need to change, or can the environment change to fit the needs of the child?  
• Are the expectations even realistic for the child's developmental age and stage?  
• Is the child trying to communicate a need?  
• What skill(s) is the child missing to be able to follow through with what is expected?  

Punishing a child for any of the above reasons (which are usually the primary reasons) is unfair and, again, ineffective.  

It never fails. 

A parent posts a question in an online forum, for example, asking for advice.  Their child isn't following the rules around screen time, what should they do?  The answers, inevitably, go something like this:  

• Take away screens forever!  Lock them up for good!  
• Hide the remotes!   Hide the controllers!
• Hide the power cord! 
• Put passwords and padlocks on all of the things!  

Okay... and then what?  An adult will have to monitor and gate-keep all electronic devices and their use for the foreseeable future, until they get tired of it and the child goes back to the same behaviours with no new skills learned?  Alternatively, the child learns how to work around these systems and learns to sneak their screens, instead of ask for them?  

Both are distinct possibilities. 

Let me be clear, I am absolutely not advocating for unlimited screen time (nor am I advocating for a permissive, let them do whatever they want style of parenting).  I am a strong proponent of very limited screen time, especially in young children, and we have quite stringent boundaries around screens in our household.  However, we didn't come to these limits by locking everything up.  We sat down as a family, discussed our concerns, our goals, and discussed the risks and benefits of screen use.  

Do we have perfect harmony, even when we enforce these boundaries?  Absolutely not (I wish!).  We're a family of humans, two of whom are 2e, there are definitely still challenges with pretty much any boundary.  That said, our son is (mostly) much more accepting of limits when he's been included in the conversation: The reasons behind the limits have been discussed and explained, his perspective has been heard, and his feelings respected and validated (note that respecting and validating feelings are not the same as giving in because a child is upset).   

Let's Try Another Example  

My child is disrespectful when I tell him "no", what do I do?

• Take away his privileges!
• Force him to write a letter of apology!
• Don't let him think he rules the roost, put him in his place! 

Facepalm.

Let's look at some possible reasons children may speak to adults in a disrespectful manner: 

Possibility #1: Big Feelings

They're angry, upset, disappointed, or their feelings are hurt.  

(or all of the above at once)

They may not yet know how to express this in a calmer, kinder manner, or their self-regulation may not be developed enough to use these skills when they are experiencing intense emotions.  And many neurodiverse children tend to feel their emotions very intensely.  In particular, children with ADHD can have significant struggles with emotional regulation.  This is due to that delayed Prefrontal Cortex (PFC) development mentioned in our other blog post, and certainly not something over which children have any control.  Jessica McCabe created a great video about ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation on her How to ADHD YouTube channel:  

Possibility #2: Impulsivity 

Remember: Neurodiverse brains develop differently from neurotypical brains, that's why they're called neurodiverse.  Impulsivity is a key feature of ADHD and is caused by differences in the brain's wiring: A significant difference between an ADHD brain and a non-ADHD brain is the weakened or disrupted signal between the Thalamus (responsible for response inhibition) and the Frontal Cortex (responsible for decision-making).  Another biological factor over which we have no control.  

A child who responds by kicking over his chair, yelling obscenities, and stomping out of the room is clearly lacking some strategies for dealing with disappointment and managing their intense feelings.  They also likely reacted impulsively, meaning without stopping to think first.  This may be because their brain's communication between their thalamus and frontal cortex is not as developed as that of a neurotypical child, which again, would be something over which they have no control.

That's all well and good, but... 

If we're not suggesting punishment or adult-imposed "consequences" for knocking over a chair and calling you a name, then what do we suggest?  

First, if your child has stomped to their room or to some other safe space, awesome!  Why is it awesome that they slammed their door and told you to "go away?" in less-than flowery language?  Because they've taken space to cool off, and if they're in their room writing bad things about you in their journal or listening to angry music then cool, because those are some ways that people regulate.  Even better if they have a "calming kit" or "chill" zone: a safe space they have chosen for themselves (or worked with you to set up), possibly with a soft blanket or pillow, sensory items, books they like to read, or whatever works to help them calm down when they feel overwhelmed.  

Below is an example of one of the calm down menus we have created with our son when he was younger.  These options were developed with him, in conversations while he was calm, and that have been adapted and adjusted as he gets older and develops different preferences, needs, and skills. 

Role Model 

The best way for children to learn how to self-regulate is for the adult to help them do so by providing acknowledgement and validation of their feelings, support and comfort, and then role-modelling healthy ways of dealing with our emotions.  We have some fantastic book and podcast recommendations on another blog post, many of the books listed include strategies for supporting children with emotional regulation and for dealing with challenging behaviours.  

Decide what needs to happen.  

• Do the adults need to adjust their expectations to be more in line with the child's developmental age and their current skills?  
• Are there adjustments that can be made to the environment to set the child up for success?
• What need is the child trying to communicate with their behaviour, and how can we meet that need?  
• What stressors are in the child's life that are contributing to the behaviour?   
• What skills need to be taught to allow the child to meet realistic and fair expectations? 

 

Collaborate with your Child 

Once cooler heads prevail, it's time to dig into what is contributing to the behaviour.   

Dr. Ross Greene has an amazing approach called Collaborative and Proactive Solutions (CPS), in which the child and adult(s) come together to identify and communicate their concerns, then work as a team to come up with reasonable and mutually-agreeable solutions.  It's certainly not a panacea: There often need to be multiple conversations, multiple potential options for solutions, and the plan often needs to be re-worked.  This approach teaches children communication, problem-solving, and teamwork skills.  It also allows them to work through their feelings, but not stew in them, as they then focus on possible solutions alongside trusted adults in their lives.  

Dr. Greene's Lives in the Balance website has extensive CPS resources for parents, educators, and other professionals.  

Learn Everything You Can 

Seriously, the old adage that knowledge is power is an old adage for good reason.  

Understanding the "why" behind your child's behaviour not only helps you problem-solve and support them more effectively, it also helps you show them more compassion and empathy.  Become an expert on your child.  If they have ADHD, read all of the things on ADHD (preferably all of the evidence-based, well-researched, well-written things).  The more you understand the biology, psychology, neurology, every-ology about your child, the better you will be able to regulate how you respond to them.  Instead of "why on earth did you do that?!" you'll be able to say to yourself: "I know why they did that. I still don't like it, but at least I know they didn't do it just to be a jerk" (or something along those lines).  

Lose your temper, yell, fail, fall down, dust yourself off, and try again.  

Seriously.  It's going to happen, so expect it and be kind to yourself.  This parenting thing is hard, and it can be even harder with neurodiverse children.  Build yourself a community (however big or small you prefer) of like-minded parents, caring friends and/or family, and supportive people to lean on when you need someone.  

Apologize to your child when you do lose your cool.  This is not showing weakness: Apologizing is showing strength, it is role-modelling taking responsibility and making amends when we mess up, because we all do.  Even the most patient and nurturing of parents have bad days and imperfect families.  We can do everything right and our child might still have a meltdown.  

Because childhood.

Go easy on yourself and on your child because the world will be hard enough on us all.   

 

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.  

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

 

Further Resources 

ADHD 2e Pro has compiled an extensive list of ADHD 2e resources, both local here in Manitoba, and online.  We also have a large recommended reading list on another blog post  that we add to regularly.  

Raising Human Beings, by Dr. Ross Greene

The Power of Showing Up, by Dr. Daniel Siegel and Dr. Tina Bryson 

Connections Over Compliance, by Dr. Lori Desautels 

Parenting with Presence, by Susan Stiffelman

PsychScene Hub :  Neurobiology of ADHD

Understood.org : ADHD and Emotions and Impulsivity in Children 

How to ADHD : ADHD and Emotional Dysregulation

ADDitude Magazine : Impulsivity & Impulsive Behavior

ADHD, Actually

ADHD is about so much more than difficulty sitting still or paying attention.  

So.  Much.  More. 

In light of this being Neurodiversity Celebration Week, we wanted to share some important facts about ADHD.  Unfortunately, despite decades of information being available to anyone and everyone (including doctors, teachers, and the general public), there is still a lot of misinformation out there.  It's ironic (okay, a bit sad and frustrating too) that one of the most common childhood disorders is one of the least well understood. 

The CDC (U.S.) indicates that 9.4% of children aged 2-17 years are diagnosed with ADHD.  Statistics Canada states that 5% of school-aged children (presumably aged 5-17) are diagnosed with ADHD.  The Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (CADDAC) states that ADHD is the most prevalent childhood psychiatric disorder in Canada and remains under-recognized and under-diagnosed, despite being the most treatable psychiatric disorder in Canada.

So, what is ADHD, if not a case of "the wiggles"?  If it's not simply a matter of needing to focus more or get more organized, then what exactly is it?  

 

ADHD is Life-Altering

We will only touch upon a couple of the most life-impacting symptoms of ADHD in this blog, but of course, each person's experience with ADHD will be different and there are many other symptoms that affect people's everyday lives.  

Executive Functioning Issues 

Executive functions are a set of mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control.  Executive Functioning is an incredibly board topic, so we will simply share a few resources here.  

Executive Functioning description from the Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada.  

Executive Functioning explained by Jessica McCabe of the How to ADHD YouTube Channel:

Executive Functioning breakdown by CHADD, based on work by Dr. Thomas Brown and Dr. Russell Barkley.  Dr. Barkley's videos on ADHD are available on YouTube: 

Two major factors impacting the life of children (and adults) with ADHD both stem from Executive Functioning difficulties:

 

Impulsivity

As defined in our previous blog post, 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood, Impulse Control is the ability to pause between the action and reaction.  "Response inhibition refers to the ability to withhold a cognitive or behavioural impulse that may be inaccurate or maladaptive." (Barkley, 2015). 

When people seem to act without thinking, it is not because they're careless or thoughtless.  Certain parts of the ADHD brain develop approximately 30% slower (on average) than a typical brain.  This includes the Prefrontal Cortex (PFC), an area of the brain responsible for impulse control and complex decision-making.   

Click for more information on ADHD & Brain Structure

Difficulties with Emotional Regulation 

Emotional regulation can be very difficult for some people with ADHD, and can have a significant impact on their lives, including their friendships and other relationships.  A child who becomes angry easily and lashes out aggressively is not a "bad" kid, they're not even an aggressive kid, they're a child experiencing emotional dysregulation whose behaviour is being expressed in an aggressive manner in that moment.  

The distinction is important: children are not their behaviour, and when that behaviour stems from a disability or neurodifference, they are not necessarily in control of said behaviour.  A person with ADHD cannot help if they have an underdeveloped amygdala, the part of the brain largely responsible for emotional regulation.

Dr. Barkley spoke about ADHD and emotional conflict:

Add Them All Together...  

Impulsivity and emotional regulation are very much interconnected: Combine the experience of intense emotions (due to an underdeveloped amygdala), plus difficulty pausing to evaluate prior to acting (due to an underdeveloped PFC), plus difficulty using memories of previous events to consider the possible consequences of said actions (also due to that underdeveloped PFC causing difficulty with hindsight and working memory)...  those are a lot of brain-based challenges to work against in order to exert "self-control"!  

Dr. Barkley again with a more in-depth explanation: 

Some additional points that we will touch on in future blog posts, but that people must understand about ADHD: 

• ADHD is not a new disorder!  ADHD is not the result of bad parenting, too much screen time, too much sugar or processed foods (or any other diet), "chemicals", or whatever else people try to blame.  ADHD is a neurobiological disorder that was first described in medical literature all the way back in 1775 (Barkley & Peters, 2012).

• ADHD is not a mood disorder, a learning disability, a mental illness, nor a behavioural disorder.  ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, a condition that is due to differences in in the development and function of the brain.  

References

Barkley, Russell A. (2015). Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder: A Handbook for Diagnosis & Treatment. The Guilford Press.  

Barkley RA, Peters H. (2012). The earliest reference to ADHD in the medical literature. Journal of Attention Disorders. 16(8), 623-630.

Brown, Thomas, E. (2013). A New Understanding of ADHD in Children and Adults: Executive Function Impairments. Routledge.

Kofler, M. J., Rapport, M.D., Bolden, J., Server, D.E., Raiker, J.S., & Alderson, R.M. (2011). Working memory deficits and social problems in children with ADHD. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 39, 805-817. 

 

Further Resources:

ADHD 2e Pro : We have compiled extensive lists of both local and online ADHD & 2e Resources on our website.

ADHD 2e Blog : 7 Ways ADHD is Misunderstood

Celebrate Neurodiversity!  Neurodiversity-Celebration-Week.com 

Understood.org : ADHD and Emotions

The Centre for Addiction and Metal Health (CAMH): Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) : ADHD & Brain Structures

Woodburn Pediatric Clinic : ADHD Brain Differences 

Understood.org : Attention and Working Memory 

Centre for ADHD Awareness, Canada (CADDAC) : Executive Functioning and ADHD 

CHADD : Executive Function Skills 

Understood.org : ADHD and the Brain

Boston Children's Hospital: Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD)

CHADD: About ADHD 

Centre for Disease Control (CDC) : What is ADHD?  

About the Author

 

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

The School Keeps Calling

"The School Keeps Calling!"

It got to the point where my heart would race every time the phone rang during the school day, and I dreaded picking it up when I saw the school's Caller ID on my phone.  I was getting phone calls or emails from the school 2-3 times per week.  Someone from the school (usually the teacher or principal) would regularly call or email to communicate (ie. complain about) our son's behaviour.  

At first, I was extremely apologetic: "I'm so sorry.  Of course I'll speak to him.  I don't know why that happened.  I will make sure he knows that behaviour is unacceptable" and so on.  I have a CYW diploma and a degree in psychology, I should have answers, I should be able to "solve" these problems.  

Then I started reading and learning (and reading and learning and reading and learning some more).  As I mentioned in a previous blog post, my diploma from 2006 and degree from 2009 just weren't cutting it as far as ADHD knowledge was concerned.  So I sought to become an expert on ADHD, and more importantly, on my son.  

Then I realized something. 

Most of the behaviours the school was calling me about were not entirely his fault, nor were they mine.  I am not saying my son doesn't have responsibility and accountability for his choices, he absolutely does.  However, when the school staff repeatedly call with the same or similar complaints, yet have done little to support him to succeed within the school environment...  well, if they keep doing the same thing and expecting a different result, then who is really responsible here?  

As Dr. Ross Greene would say, kids do well when they can.  (I discuss the issue of ineffective "punishment" in another blog post).  Essentially if a child is lacking skills and adults are not liking the resulting behaviour, but the adults are not actively teaching those missing skills, then how can we blame the child for not having them?  

As parents, we were truly doing everything we possibly could from home to support our son.  We sought the advice of outside experts: we went to a child psychologist and occupational therapist.  I read ALL OF THE BOOKS, listened to podcasts, followed the advice from the school's clinical team, and was trying to teach our son the skills he needed to succeed.  However, it was the stress and rigidity of the school environment that were contributing to and really triggering a lot of his behaviours, and we had no control over that.  Schools are very often loud, busy, and can be very overwhelming, especially for children with sensory hypersensitivities.  Children with ADHD often have co-morbid sensory processing disorders, or experience sensory overload.  When an ADHD brain is less able to filter out the external noise, or has trouble deciding which input to attend do (so it attends to it all!), this can be incredibly overwhelming.  

Schools often have unrealistic expectations for children's developmental abilities, especially when it comes to children with ADHD or other neurological disabilities.  Sitting in a desk for 5 hours per day at ages 5-8 is neither healthy nor realistic for most children, let alone those with hyperactivity.  When children are not given the ability to move their bodies, take movement breaks, and self-regulate with physical play, then it sets them up for failure.  We expect them to sit down, learn, attend, be quiet, and listen while their bodies and brains are begging for physical outlets and activities.  

Schools can often have very rigid rules that are "equally" (but not actually because adults are human too) applied to all students in the effort to be "fair" to all.  However, if all children develop differently and are at different stages of development and have different skills and abilities...  how is it fair to have the exact same expectations across the board?  I get that it's impossible to have a separate set of rules for each individual student, and even those would have to change day-to-day based on the child's functioning and development.  That is also completely unrealistic.  However, many schools are currently teaching students about flexible thinking and growth mindset.  How can the adults expect the children to practice flexible thinking if the adults are not role-modelling those skills?  

Short answer: they shouldn't.  

Examples of posters that may be on some classroom walls: 

The flexible thinking curriculum is fantastic, actually, don't get me wrong.  For it to be effective, however, it requires the adults to role-model and set the example first and foremost.

You Don't Have All The Answers.  

You don't have all the answers, and guess what?  You're not supposed to.  Nobody does.  The whole "it takes a village" thing is true, and right now your child's school is part of your village.  The adults who interact with and support your child at school need to communicate with you what they observe, what they are trying that is working or not working, what they think your child needs to be successful, and what they are doing to make that happen.

"Your child's school is part of your village."

If you are repeatedly receiving communications from your school about the same or similar recurring issues and you don't feel they are doing enough on their end to help your child, here are some options:  

• First, document the phone calls and emails.  You can make yourself a chart with the date, time, and subject or concern expressed to you to keep track of exactly how often you're being contacted and how often the same concerns are being brought to your attention. 
• If you notice a pattern, now you can bring that to the school's attention.  You can ask for a meeting with the classroom teacher and administrator (or school psychologist, or guidance counsellor, or social worker, or someone who has regular contact with your child at school and may have helpful insights to offer). 
• At the meeting, or in your communications with the school, ask for information about what is happening before the behaviour (the antecedents, triggers, environment, context, etc.).  If they do not know, then they cannot effectively support a child if they do not dig down to look beneath the behaviour for the underlying causes and contributing factors.  That is their next step.  

All Behaviour Is (Still) Communication

If a child's behaviour is maladaptive, disruptive, harmful, or otherwise unexpected, then that behaviour is telling us something.  Something is not working for that child and if the adults want the behaviour to change, then they need to change the environment and provide the supports the child needs to succeed.

• If your school needs help identifying your child's patterns or triggers, you can ask them to fill in an ABC chart any time they contact you about your child's behaviour (or any time they notice the same or similar difficulties coming up).  
• That said, there are certainly some significant limitations to any behavioural tracking.  The biggest problem is that they oversimplify by boiling the antecedent down to one trigger when human behaviour and emotions are so much more complex than that. 
• The missing piece is communicating with the child once everyone is calm to learn more about their experience.  We need to find out more about their day, week, even month, to see what is building up for them, contributing to their struggles, and/or creating vulnerabilities.    
• The documentation is really just to get the school starting to look a little deeper than the surface behaviour.  It can improve communication between family and school, and if not, it at least creates a paper trail for all the times they contact home without having taken steps to support the student. 
• If the school is on board and ready to take their support to the next level, we very highly recommend the Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model.  Your child's school administration should have heard of CPS, but in case they haven't, information for schools is available on the Lives in the Balance website.  This is a much deeper, and more child-centred, approach to problem solving and developing relevant and effective supports that will actually help the student.  

Extremely important:  Any home-school communication should be for adult information-gathering purposes only.  The intent is to spot patterns, identify triggers, and identify and develop the supports that would be most needed for that child.  Home-school communication should never be used for school staff to "tattle" to parents about the child's behaviour, it should never be used as part of a behaviour "modification" program, and most importantly, it should never be used with the expectation that the parent then punishes the child at home for something that happened at school.  Visit our website for more information on effective behaviour "tracking".  

Now that is out of the way, here is a sample ABC Chart (click to enlarge):

Once the relevant information has been gathered, then patterns can be identified, and relevant supports can be put into place.  If the behaviour difficulties are such that the school is calling home once a week or more, it would be wise to have a Behaviour "Intervention" Plan put into place.  

That said, the BIP example outlined on the Government of Manitoba's website is ...not great.  It focuses too much on the student's behaviour and not enough on the underlying contributing factors.  It does outline skill development and touches a little bit on relationship-building, so that's a start.  

We don't have a sample BIP posted yet (sounds like another blog post in the making!), but we do have a blog post about Individualized Education Plans (IEPs), now called Student-Specific Plans (SSPs) with examples of effective student-planning that are also highly relevant and applicable to a BIP.  

In fact, if your child has ADHD, and that ADHD impacts their functioning in school (spoiler alert: it does), then your child is entitled to an SSP - but, like, a good one.  An effective SSP should focus on what accommodations the student needs in order to do their best, what supports they may need to be on a level playing field with their peers, and should include S.M.A.R.T. goals that are intended to allow the student to thrive.  An SSP (or BIP, or IEP, or any-p) should not include goals that simply make things easier for school staff and should not focus on the child changing or stopping behaviour without very specific steps identifying the lagging skills and how the adults in the student's life will support them to build those skills.

You Are SO Not Alone 

If your heart starts racing any time your phone rings, or if you dread emails from your child's teacher or principal, remember: this is not all on you.  Your child is at school for more than 30 hours per week.  Parents have very little, if any, control over what happens during their child's school day.  Yes, you are an extremely important part of your child's support team, and you know your child best.  Yes, you can do things at home and with outside professionals to support your child.  Yes, you can work collaboratively with your child's school team to set everyone up for success.  

Your child's school is part of your proverbial village.  If they have difficulty with your child's behaviour during their school day, then it's up to them to look beneath the surface behaviours.  Only then can they expect you to work with them, and they with your child, to develop supports and solutions.  Only then will your child truly get the support they need and deserve.

Please visit our website for a list of ADHD Resources available in Manitoba.  If you need assistance advocating for your child, contact us and we can recommend and provide resources or arrange services.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

If you need help educating your child's school, your family, or with general ADHD coaching or advocacy, please feel free to contact us.  

February is Inclusive Education Month in Manitoba?

Yep, that's a question mark right there in the title.  Did you know this?

'Cuz.... Apparently February 2021 is Inclusive Education Month in Manitoba.... 

And what does that mean?

Apparently it means our Minister of Education regurgitates 15-year-old so-called "inclusion" policy that is vague and general, with no specific actions or commitments made to better the experience of actual children with disabilities in our public school system. 

Great. 

Thanks for that, Honourable Minister Cliff Cullen.  

If you can't find the proclamations, don't worry, that's because they're not even posted on the Government of Manitoba's Education website, nor anywhere other than some division websites.  No public awareness campaigns, no P.D. Days around inclusion, no updated policy....

No nothing.  

So, I have taken the liberty of outlining each proclamation (again, taken word-for-word from 15-year-old policy with no action points).  

February 2021 has been "proclaimed" Inclusive Education Month in Manitoba 

Proclamation #1 :  "Manitoba Education is committed to fostering inclusion for all Manitobans."

• How?  What specifically is the Manitoba government doing to foster inclusion in our public schools?  
• What resources will the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• The formal dispute guide has not been updated in 15 long years, since 2006.  When will this be updated to reflect current reality?  
• How will the Manitoba government provide education to parents, caregivers, and school staff about the formal dispute process, so that families are aware of their rights and of how to proceed with a formal complaint?  

Proclamation #2 :  "Inclusion is a way of thinking and acting that allows every individual to feel accepted, valued, and safe.  An inclusive community consciously evolves to meet the changing needs of its members."  

• How?  How do we know if students feel accepted, valued, and safe?  How do we measure this?  We need S.M.A.R.T. Goals: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic/relevant, and time-oriented/time-bound.  

• What resources does the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• When teachers and administrators continue to be allowed to exclude children with disabilities, either due to extra supports they may need, or as a way of behaviour management, this sends the message to everyone in the school (most importantly that particular student) that they are not accepted, valued, or welcome.  
• Making children work in different rooms, suspending children for misbehaviour rather than investigating the antecedents and supporting the student to learn better coping strategies, making children stand in the hall when they are disruptive, etc. are shaming, exclusionary, ineffective, and harmful to the child.  

Proclamation #3 :  "Through recognition and support, an inclusive community provides meaningful involvement and equal access to the benefits of citizenship."  

• Um, what?  What does this even mean?  Who defines what is “meaningful” to a child with a disability?  
• How?  What resources does the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• What are the benefits of citizenship anyway? 
• Proclamations with a lot of vague generalizations are pretty useless.

Proclamation #4 :  "In Manitoba, we embrace inclusion as a means of enhancing the well-being of every member of the community.  By working together, we strengthen our capacity to provide the foundation for a richer future for all of us." 

• What exactly does this mean?  
• How?  What resources does the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• Once again, proclamations with a lot of vague generalizations are useless.

Proclamation #5 :  "The philosophy of inclusion is integral to Appropriate Educational Programming in Manitoba." 

• Yes, and....?  What resources does the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• Once again, proclamations with a lot of vague generalizations are useless.
• This philosophy was last updated 15 years ago, in 2006.  When will our provincial policy-writers update this document with more specific, meaningful, and practical directives?  

Proclamation #6 :  "Manitoba will foster school and classroom communities where all students, including those with diverse needs and abilities, have a sense of personal belonging and achievement."

• Exactly how are we fostering inclusive schools?  What resources does the Manitoba Government provide to schools in order to allow them to follow through on this proclamation?  
• Aren’t students with diverse needs and abilities still students?  Why do they need a separate caveat in this sentence?  They should not be “othered”, or put into a separate category, this is the opposite of inclusion.  
• How do we know all students feel a sense of personal belonging?  How do we measure this?  When will official actually ask children and their families about their experiences, and asking them what can be better?  How and when will our provincial government bridge the divide between the policies and the actual human beings who are directly impacted by those policies?  
• We just had a new budget released with specific funding earmarked for students with disabilities.  Who will decide how that is spent, school administrators?  Are those administrators going to meet with students and families to determine how that money will best be spent?  There needs to be meaningful community consultation.  Meaningful means that administrators actually listen to students and families and truly use their input to direct their decision-making.  
• We need S.M.A.R.T. Goals: specific, measurable, attainable, realistic/relevant, and time-oriented/time-bound.  

Proclamation #7 :  "Schools, families, and communities make a positive difference in the lives of children and youth in Manitoba through their commitment towards inclusion."  

• Okay, right, yes…  and…  How so?  That’s a nice sentiment, but what exactly does it mean for children and youth, particularly students with disabilities here in Manitoba?  
• How are schools, families’ and communities making a difference?  How are they committing “towards” inclusion?  Why aren’t they committing to inclusion, full stop?

So...  now what?  

Now we band together and tell Minister Cullen about our experiences in Manitoba's public education system and about what our children need to truly experience inclusion and to have their needs met.    

If you could wave a magic wand and make anything happen at your child's school (talking our under-funded Manitoba public school system) - what would it be?  

You can email Minister Cullen's office yourself at minedu@leg.gov.mb.ca, or email Jillian@ADHDPro.ca* to share your thoughts, needs, wants, and wishes.

Rather than accepting an empty proclamation, let's tell our provincial government exactly how our children with disabilities would actually feel included, welcome, cared for, and have their needs met in Manitoba's public schools.

**Please share far and wide, especially in groups of Manitoba parents/caregivers of children with disabilities.**

*If you email us, please indicate whether you wish to remain anonymous and your name will not be included with any comments or concerns shared.  

*Emails and any communications shared privately will remain confidential unless we have your permission to share.  

Since our provincial government doesn't bother to ask parents of children with disabilities for their input, we decided to do it for them.  

The following is a compilation of comments from Manitoban parents whose children live with disabilities and are currently in public school.  

What "Inclusive Education" REALLY means to Parents of Children with Disabilities

• School staff need to do a better job of risk assessment (and acceptance), teaching children how to do their own risk assessments, and allowing elements of risky play with reasonable boundaries.  Schools are overly concerned with forbidding and banning certain activities because of the (usually low) risk of injury, thus robbing children of opportunities to self-monitor, learn to assess situations for themselves, and to develop skills to manage and mitigate their own risks.  

• Each school division and each school needs to identify the barriers and hurdles that they have put in their system that are causing special needs students to struggle and not succeed.

• Parents are tired of constantly trying to change a system that isn’t interested in change and instead puts up barriers that the parents always need to identify.  It's about time that they do their own inventory.

• Schools can be incredibly rigid in needing to apply rules consistently to everyone, "no matter what".  Instead, school staff could set an example of flexible thinking and being accommodating.  We can teach our students that everyone has different needs, and equity isn't always the same as equality.  This way, children won’t always expect everything to be equal because they will understand that what helps or hinders one person is not the same as what helps or hinders another.  

• Adults are often preaching to children about having a flexible mindset and about adapting to change, yet school staff tend to be incredibly resistant to change and administrators and policy-writers tend to have very fixed mindsets.  

• The learning environment should adapt to the needs of its diverse students, rather than always expecting children to adapt based on the rigid, out-dated expectations of the school (both physical environment and pedagogy).

• Teachers, resource teachers, principals all well trained in Executive Functioning skill development, including emotional dysregulation, impulsivity, time management, and organizational structures.  This would not only benefit kids with ADHD or other Executive Functioning disabilities, but all kids!

• Increased occupational therapy and behaviour specialist support staff for educators.

• Accountability for all school staff to be required to follow student IEP/SSPs and clinical recommendations.  For example, any instructions from a school psychologist, guidance counsellor, social worker, behaviour specialist, occupational therapist, other expert, etc. must be followed and strategies implemented.  

• If there are not enough resources to follow the recommendations, then the division must provide them, or make an application to the provincial government so that expert recommendations can be followed.  

• More classroom teachers and resource teachers to allow children to grow and thrive in a school setting for more than a few hours a day.

• Greater focus on emotional and social skills in the classroom: more than just an hour per week with the guidance counsellor learning the Zones of Regulation, or Fixed vs. Flexible Mindset.  This needs to be integrated into the daily routine of classrooms and students need to be supported emotionally and socially first, before they will be effective learners.  

• More training for all school staff in best practices for supporting students with special needs, as well as what proper accommodations look like in public schools on a day-to-day basis.  

• Training on compassionate and effective communication for school administrators.  

• Training for school staff on how to prevent and deal with bullying in schools.  

• Child-centred and evidence-based training for supporting students with challenging behaviours, such as the Collaborative and Proactive Solutions model (Greene, 2008).  

• Believing children when they are sharing their perspective and concerns.  Taking their point of view seriously and truly working to understand their experience.  Teaching children to advocate for themselves, and then listening to them when they do.  

• Truly understanding that unwanted behaviours are not malicious or intentional, they are a form of communication.  School staff need to be trained in seeing beyond the surface behaviour and looking for underlying reasons, triggers, and causes.  It should never be acceptable for any adult to blame and shame a child for behaviour that they cannot control.  It is the adults' responsibility to teach children strategies for managing emotions, and coping with adversity.  

• Inclusion must be an all-encompassing attitude and culture where all persons are valued and their needs met.

• Truly educating all about what inclusive education means and what it is. Parents and caregivers of both disabled and non-disabled children need to be educated about neurodiversity and disabilities so that they can raise well-informed children who are inclusive and welcoming to all. 

• Inclusive schools, classrooms, and curriculum planning should be required courses for ALL teachers and all school staff, these should not only be mandatory for those specializing in special education.  Education programs and professional development should normalize and demand inclusion practices for all, not just specialists.  

• School divisions should only hire trained professionals, including Educational Assistants (EAs), which means divisions need better funding in order to better pay school support staff.  

• Some divisions hire parents and caregivers, or people wanting to go into education, but have zero training in supporting children with disabilities.  

• This is particularly true during recess and lunch times, when EAs or lunch room volunteers are the primary supervisors.  These times are unstructured and can be loud and stressful for many children, especially students with disabilities, yet they are the time when the least number of trained staff are available.  

“Many parents feel frustrated when support personnel handle the most stressful parts of their child’s day, leading to uninformed discipline decisions.  Whether the EAs are staff employees or parent volunteers, they should be educated to support all students.”  (Hirt, 2018).  

• Students need better consistency with their EAs.  Schools and divisions should make best efforts to keep the same EAs with the same students, and a student should work with the same EA for most of their school day.  If an EA and a student have developed a good working relationship, they should be able to continue working together.  

• However, if the relationship is struggling, then the EA and student need full support to improve the relationship, the EA needs better training to better support that student, or the student needs an EA who can more effectively support them.  

• Schools need to be transparent and communicate openly and regularly with families.  Caregivers need to be kept up to date on any issues at the school and whether an EA that works with their child is either being provided with additional supports and training, or whether they are considering having a different adult support their child.  

• School administrators should be responsible for spotting issues or concerns, notifying staff and students (if appropriate) involved, notifying families, and then initiating a plan for problem-solving. 

• If something isn’t working, they need to acknowledge this and sit down with their team of experts to find a better way, not wait until a parent complains, or hope that the problem goes away on its own.  

• Good policies are only effective if they are practiced, and this can only happen when divisions and schools are provided the resources to see them through.   

This list is by no means exhaustive, and we will continue to add to it as we receive additional comments and feedback from community members.  

References

Greene, R. W. (2008). Lost at school: Why our kids with behavioral challenges are falling through the cracks and how we can help them. New York: Scribner.

Hirt, Kelly. (2018). Boost: 12 Effective Ways to Lift Up Our Twice-Exceptional Children. GFH Press.

Your Input Is Needed!

If you could wave a magic wand and make anything happen at your child's school (talking our under-funded Manitoba public school system) - what would it be?  

Please comment on our Facebook post, or email Jillian@ADHDPro.ca* to share your thoughts, needs, wants, and wishes.

Given that February 2021 is supposed to be Inclusive Education month in Manitoba, and we have a new Minister of Education, Mr. Cliff Cullen needs to hear our wish-list.

Rather than accepting an empty proclamation, let's tell our provincial government exactly how our children with disabilities would actually feel included, welcome, cared for, and have their needs met in Manitoba's public schools.

**Please share far and wide, especially in groups of Manitoba parents/caregivers of children with disabilities.**

*If you email us, please indicate whether you wish to remain anonymous and your name will not be included with any comments or concerns shared.  

*Emails and any communications shared privately will remain confidential unless we have your permission to share.  

February is Manitoba Inclusive Education Month

 

Apparently February 2021 is supposed to be Manitoba Inclusive Education Month

Though I'm not sure how we are supposed to know or what this is supposed to achieve.  Aside from school divisions posting this proclamation on their websites, I've seen absolutely nothing to indicate that this is anything other than yet another empty proclamation that achieves nothing.

Sorry if I sound cynical...  

No wait, I'm not sorry.  I'm cynical for very good reason and many other parents, caregivers, and professionals are too.  We are tired.  Tired of fighting, tired of advocating, and tired of shouting into the void.  We're tired of years of empty promises from both politicians and from schools.  

We're tired of seeing children punished for behaviour that stems from their disability; behaviour that, in that moment, was out of the child's control.  We're tired of seeing behaviour of children who are clearly struggling labelled as "defiant", "belligerent", "disobedient", "uncooperative", or whatever sugar-coated terminology some school staff are using to blame children rather than look beyond behaviours to see what is really going on.  

Children are hurting.  They're misunderstood.  Many children are being harmed by Manitoba's public education system: by ill-informed school staff, by long out-dated policy, and most of all by political inaction.  If we don't continue speaking up, louder and stronger and ever more persistent, to show politicians that there is a political appetite for change in our public school system, then things will not get better.  Unfortunately politicians need to see that their constituents care enough about this that it will impact how they vote in in the next provincial election. 

Let me be abundantly clear.  There are many absolutely amazing, outstanding teachers and school staff in our province.  They're also burning out faster than schools can find and hire "good" people and they need so much more support than they're getting: from their leadership, and especially from our province.  Our schools are pathetically under-funded, over-crowded, and under-resourced.  That is why teachers and school staff are overworked, under-trained, and under-paid.  That is why teachers are also exhausted and tired of fighting for their students.  That is why school staff feel helpless when they, too, are advocating for the needs of children and their concerns are falling on deaf ears.  Schools can only do so much with so little.  They need help too.  

So please, contact your Minister of Education.  In Manitoba, our newly appointed Minister of Education is the Honourable Cliff Cullen, MLA.  Constituents can email the office of the Ministry of Education at minedu@leg.gov.mb.ca.  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

If you need help educating your child's school, your family, or with general ADHD coaching or advocacy, please feel free to contact us.