Sunday, March 15, 2020

Our Journey Began...

Our Journey Began...  


Our son is an only child, so everything that we've experienced with him have been our firsts as well as his. We were well-informed parents, but no amount of reading can replace the life-changing experience of parenting.

When our son started school they told us he was incredibly bright, and found the academic part of school too easy, but that socially he needed some additional supports. He was impulsive and his feelings were... well, really big.

His Preschool and Kindergarten teachers were wonderful. They were both incredibly nurturing and they saw our son's struggles as lagging skills, not as intentional misbehaviour. We listened to their advice and worked hard to support our son in the best way we could.

When our son moved to a different school in grade one things escalated. He was even more bored and frustrated with the academics and he struggled socially. He didn't acquiesce: Our son was not the kind of child who would automatically fall in line and follow orders without question. Being a person who challenges the status quo is actually a strength, having critical thinking skills and an ability to question authority will serve him well in the future... Unfortunately our traditional school system does not appreciate these qualities in a first grader, and six year olds are not exactly known for their tact and ability to pick their battles wisely. As we would come to find out, this school was particularly rigid in their expectations.

When the school would suggest something, we would go along with it. When the school gave advice, we listened. When the school asked us to "have a talk" with our son, we did. We thought they were the experts and this was all new to us, so we yielded to their expertise.

Dear parents, if you read no further, please read this: Don't. Do. That. Don't assume that others know your child or how to support them better than you do.

Go with your gut, trust your instincts, and if you have questions, ask them. Don't blindly follow like the system wants you to. I know that sounds a little conspiracy-theory-esque, but what I mean is that it makes their jobs easier if we all just follow along and don't rock the boat. When it's not making things better for your child, then rock that boat, sink it if you have to and build your own damn life raft. Your child is worth it, and school administrators don't always know better, especially when it comes to kids who don't fit inside their box of what a typical child is supposed to act like.

"When it's not making things better for your child, then rock that boat, sink it if you have to and build your own damn life raft."


I am certainly not suggesting anyone go in guns blazing in the first school meeting, the best approach is absolutely one of cooperation and collaboration.  Always be professional and respectful.  Just remember that respectful does not equal obedient, and that goes for both parents and children.  Our first responsibility is to our child.  Schools have a larger picture to worry about: other students, their staff, budgets, other parents, their senior administration, politicis, etc....  That's their problem, not ours.  Our only job is to get to the heart of what is best for our children and to expect that everyone sitting around the table do the same.  

If you need help advocating for your child (much like we did two years ago), please feel free to contact us, or an advocate you trust to support and guide you.  

We also have a list of resources available in Manitoba on our website.  

To read more about our journey, read our next blog post, "And Then There Were 2(e)..."  

About the Author

Jillian is an ADHD 2e Coach and Child Advocate in Manitoba, Canada.

Jillian has a diploma in Child & Youth Work and a Degree in Psychology, as well as being the parent of an amazing 2e/ADHD child.

Visit ADHDPro.ca and Facebook.com/ADHD2ePro to learn more.

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